


The Truth Untold

by firebreather15



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Feelings, First Love, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jeon Jungkook Is Bad at Feelings, Kim Taehyung | V Is Bad at Feelings, Kim Taehyung | V Is Whipped, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension, Summer Love, True Love, smut with feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-06-12 17:43:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15345117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebreather15/pseuds/firebreather15
Summary: Taehyung reunites with his best friends on the summer cottage where they used to spent holidays. He didn't thought that after four years, it would be so hard to face Jeongguk again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This marks a flashback ~~~

It’s early morning and the road is empty. Taehyung rested his face on his palm, half of his face outside the window, the light breeze blowing against his tanned skin, moving his bangs out of his face, locks of light brown hair flying randomly. It’s dawn, the sun rising in the distance, a line of orange and yellow painting the horizon. Taehyung would love the view, if it weren’t because his eyes were closed, his breath steady as if he were sleeping. He wasn’t. But it was better to pretend. Anything to avoid the awkward silence inside the car.

 

Jimin was driving, humming a song and tapping the steering wheel in harmony. They hadn’t exchange a word since he had dragged Taehyung into the car, literally dragged him, pulling at his wrist and pushing him into the seat. All while he scolded him for not acting his age, being like a child in a tantrum, arms crossed and a pout on his face.

 

“We are halfway there” Jimin said, not taking his eyes off the road.

 

“I’m sleeping” Taehyung mumbled.

 

“Sure you do” Jimin clicked his tongue in annoyance. He loved Taehyung, he really did. He was more than his best friend, his soulmate, his partner of adventures and his brother from a different mother. But he couldn’t stand him when he acted like this. “You better not be like this when we arrive there”

 

Taehyung didn’t need Jimin to tell him, he already knew. Too many years spending their summer holidays at Namjoon’s parents beach cottage. When they arrive  _ there _ . But Taehyung didn’t want to be  _ there _ .

 

“Okay mom” Taehyung grunted, opening his eyes and bringing his knees to his chest, hugging them, his head propped on his legs. He sighed. “I can’t believe you forced me to come”

 

“Really Taehyung” Jimin spare a look at him, one of those that told him to back off if he didn’t want to make him angry. “I can’t believe I actually had to force you to come. You always loved the beach and it’s been long since last time. Don’t you miss them?”

 

“No” Of course he missed his friends. Of course he missed their summer holidays. After four years of hiatus, when each of them had walked different paths, moving to different cities to study. The idea of all being finally reunited warmed his heart, if it weren’t because  _ all  _ were coming.

 

“Not even Jeongguk?”

 

Taehyung’s body flinched at the sound of that name. Taehyung had avoided that name and this conversation for years, he couldn’t believe Jimin was going to bring back the subject just now, when they were less than an hour away from the cottage.

 

“Don’t” Taehyung warned.

 

“Seriously Taehyung you have to move on. We are coming to have a good time, don’t be so childish it’s been four fucking years”

 

Yes. It’s been four fucking years. Four fucking years since he had last seen Jeongguk. Four fucking years since he had last spoke to Jeongguk. Four fucking years since he had broken his heart.

 

Taehyung wished the memory wasn’t as alive as it was. He wished he could forget and move on, but his mind won’t let him forget. The pain and regret won’t let him live. He wondered if Jeongguk would feel the same, and he truly hoped that not. One miserable person in the group is enough. 

 

“Avoiding this won’t make you get over it” Jimin keep on talking at the lack of response from the younger.

 

Oh. Taehyung knew that too damn well. But avoiding the conversation at least gave him time to pretend it never happened.

 

“I know” Taehyung buried his face on his knees, too tired already.

 

“Listen, I know it’s hard for you but he at least deserves to know the truth”

 

The truth. Taehyung didn’t answer. He knew Jimin was right. He always was. But truth was something Taehyung was too afraid to face. Jimin was the only one that knew what happened between them. From the eyes of the rest, he was an asshole. But knowing the truth or not, he was still an asshole. He should have told Jeongguk the truth too long ago. He should have at least made things less awkward. But he was a coward. He had always was. And that’s why he was stuck in the past.

 

The rest of the ride was more or less like the beginning, no exchange of words. Taehyung spent that time thinking about Jeongguk. He wished life treated him better than he did. He couldn’t help but remember the last time they had seen each other. The tears on the eyes of the younger as he walked away from him, from his life, but not from his mind, not from his heart. He had been so stupid. There was no day he didn’t thought about it. His eyes sting at the memory, he held back the tears that menace to fall. He wasn’t sure if he could hold them back when he saw the boy again, he wasn’t sure he could face him again.

 

Taehyung was woken up from his reverie when the car stopped. They were there. Reluctantly, Taehyung stepped out of the car. He could already hear the other boys being loud in the pool. Taehyung always wondered why they needed a pool when there were literally right in front of the beach.

 

He stared at the white sand in the distance, the sound of the waves hitting against the rocks, the smell of salt and summer. Everything about this place brought him the sweetest memories along with the most bitter one. He sighed and helped Jimin with their bags. He was right, they were all already gathered there. He and Jimin were the last ones to arrive.

 

“Fucking finally” Hoseok shouted from the pool. Not wasting a minute before he crawled out of the water, running towards Jimin and holding him up on his arms.

 

“You are wet stop” Jimin laughed but he didn’t fight back, he dropped the bags as he leaned on the touch, pressing his lips against the other boy’s, water dripping from Hoseok damping Jimin’s clothes.

 

“Long time no see” Taehyung realised he had been staring for too long to the couple when he didn’t noticed that Namjoon was standing on his side. He patted his back, and Taehyung forced a smile, a boxy smile that was all teeth.

 

They all greeted each other, commenting on how after these years they really didn’t change that much. Apart from their hair colours and length. Taehyung peered around, making no comment when he realised that Jeongguk was not there. He let it slide, thinking that maybe life didn’t hate him that much, and he had decided not to come.

 

“Hey let’s get all in the pool while Jin cooks” Namjoon suggested, earning an scolding look from the older.

 

“I’m not your maid you know” Jin pointed his fork towards Namjoon, a frown on his face.

 

“I know I know” Namjoon cooed, leaving a light peck on Jin’s cheeks.

 

“I erm, gonna change inside, also leave the stuff”

 

They all nodded in agreement, Jimin got rid of his clothes and threw them to Taehyung’s face.

 

“Leave this inside too”

 

Taehyung rolled his eyes and headed to the house. Everything was just like he remembered. The open kitchen connected to the living room where they usually gathered at night, playing random games when drunk. The cottage was really big, enough for them to live without bumping on each other if they wanted.

 

He walked up the stairs towards the rooms. There were four, the biggest for Namjoon and Jin, another not as big but enough for a king sized bed that Jimin shared with Hoseok and Yoongi, he prefered not to think about how those three ended up together. At the back of the corridor there were two doors, one that leaded to the room he had sleep in all the summer holidays right beside Jeongguk’s.

 

The memories flooded his mind, flashbacks of sleepless nights were they just moved from one bedroom to another, deciding on which was better for both. Jeongguk’s was better. It was smaller but the window faced the seaside, so when they were done cuddling they usually stayed sitting on the floor, talking about anything and everything as the sun raised and the light painted Jeongguk’s hair a light red.

 

Taehyung shook his head, trying to get rid of those memories that will never come back to reality and walked in his room. Just like he remembered, the room was painted a light green and the bed was pushed against the wall, the way he liked so there was more space to hang out on the floor.

 

Taehyung left his bags on the mattress and decided that he would unpack latter. He undressed himself and put on the swimsuit. He stared at his own reflection in the wardrobe mirror. He had lost weight since last time, his cheekbones stood out more than they used to. His tummy was less chubbier but not enough to have abs, he was not self-conscious about it, he liked it that way. Jimin said it was cute. And Jimin was always right.

 

When he was done admiring himself he walked outside the room and bumped against something hard, he fell to the floor with a thud and his head hit the door. He growled, rubbing his head to soothe the pain, he didn’t remember that there was a wall just there.

 

Taehyung lift his head up and stared at the wall he had bumped into. Walls don’t have feet. He stared bewildered at the person standing in front of him. His eyes run from his thick legs up, to the bare fit torso, up to the almond eyes that were staring right into his soul.

 

His heart skipped a beat when he realised who was there, looking down on him, eyebrow raised with a condescending look. Jeongguk. Taehyung freezed in place, eyes wide open. He swallowed hard and got up embarrassed, realising that the other boy didn’t even bothered to held out his hand to help him up.

 

“Sorry I didn’t see you” Taehyung rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, he tried to show a smile but it turned out more like a grimace. Now that he was standing in front of Jeongguk he realised that the other boy had grown taller, not enough to exceed his height but close. His jaw dropped slightly at the sight of the younger boy so close, not enough to touch but enough for his heartbeats to speed up.

 

“Yeah I can tell” Jeongguk snapped before turning away, without sparing a last look at him.

 

_ Ouch _ .

 

Taehyung stood there, looking at the boy heading back downstairs. He didn’t know what he had expected of their reencounter to be like, but it wasn’t that at all. He knew he shouldn’t be disappointed about the fact that Jeongguk didn’t even say hello, but he was. It was his own fault that Jeongguk was acting like this. But it still felt weird, so out of character for the oh so sweet and innocent Jeon Jeongguk he remembered. He wanted to throw up. Anxiety creeping on his bones.

 

The boy sure had changed a lot in the last four years. He could tell. His features had become sharper, he was sure his jawline could cut his finger if he touched it. He looked bigger too, shoulders broader, arms stronger. He swallowed hard, this was going to be harder than he thought. How was he going to spend the whole summer in that cottage when he couldn’t even stand in the same room as Jeongguk without feeling nauseous.

 

If he thought that bumping into Jeongguk was one of the most uncomfortable situations he had been through, then he was delusional. 

 

Taehyung spent the rest of the day in silence, laughing awkwardly at everyone’s stories. He had decided that it was better for him if he didn’t speak. Nothing had prepared him to the stabbing pain he felt on his chest whenever he tried to get into a conversation along with Jeongguk. Each and every thing he said that was directed to everyone, but most especially to Jeongguk had been ignored. It hurt. Being ignored hurt. But knowing that that was what he deserved, hurt more.

 

Jeongguk had already done it before. Whenever Taehyung asked on their group chat about how were they, or what were they doing, Jeongguk always make sure that someone included him on the conversation before answering. But in the person it was different, it was harder, to pretend it didn’t affect him, to mask the disappointment.

 

It seemed that no one noticed the awkwardness that filled the air when they were hanging out on the living room. No one except Jimin. Jimin knew him too damn well.

 

“Tae help me clean this out” Jimin said, getting up from the couch, where he was laying between Hoseok and Yoongi.

 

Taehyung nodded, picking up the empty plates and followed him to the kitchen. It was not the best place to talk since it was open, the group could see them from across the room. Luckily the boys were too loud and Jimin was speaking right beside him, too careful not to be overheard.

 

“Did you talk with him?” Jimin inquired, there was no accusation in his tone like there was on their drive here, but concern.

 

“No” Taehyung didn’t move his gaze from the sink as he washed the dishes. He wished he could wash the pain away as easily as the dirt.

 

“He looks so different” Jimin glanced from over his shoulder towards Jeongguk.

 

Taehyung didn’t answer. He already knew.

 

“Tae” Jimin leaned on him, hand coming to rest on his shoulder. It wasn’t until then, when the other boy touched him that Taehyung couldn’t hold back anymore. He let his wards fall down for the first time in the day. 

 

The running water muffled his low sobs. He didn’t dare to look at Jimin, eyes fixed on the sink. “He hates me. He didn’t even look at me once” He hiccuped “And I-I can’t blame him Jimin” He stuttered. Tears falling uncontrollably down his cheeks, his lower lip trembling. 

 

“Give him time Tae. The boy is probably just as uncomfortable as you. I don’t think he hates you”

 

“If I were him I’d hate me”

 

“Jeongguk is not like you” Jimin tried to comfort him, but it was useless.

 

Yes. Jeongguk was not like him. Jeongguk was sweet and kind. Jeongguk was a better person than he could ever imagine to be. He didn’t know the word hate, he couldn’t bring himself to hate anyone no matter how hard he tried. Jeongguk was just too good. Jeongguk. His Jeongguk. But this wasn’t his Jeongguk, he no longer was his. He didn’t know this Jeongguk.

 

“We have to come back” Jimin said, in other situation he knew that Jimin could push him into a tight hug, letting him cry until he was done. But they were not alone. And the least Taehyung wanted right now is to raise any suspicion from the other. They had been standing there for too long to just be cleaning. But Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to stop crying. Too many tears stored.

 

Taehyung nodded and Jimin walked away to join the rest of the group, leaving him alone for a minute to recover himself. But he couldn’t. It was just too hard. Too many emotions mixed inside him, finding the way out in shape of tears, warm and salty and painful.

 

When Jimin was far enough Taehyung did the only thing he could thought to avoid coming back there looking like a crying baby. He took a serving spoon and put it under the water, in a way that the stream sprayed towards his face and body, bathing him in cold water.

 

“Fuck” Taehyung faked a laugh, turning around to face the others, water dripping from his bangs down his forehead.

 

“Taehyung what the fuck” Namjoon shouted from his spot in the couch.

 

“Sorry I-I’m gonna clean this and go change” Taehyung said, he mentally praised himself for sounding at least composed. When he was done wiping the floor he headed towards the room. He stepped into the stairs and stopped when Jin spoke to him. He wished he hadn’t.

 

“God you are so clumsy” Jin laughed, “Remember that time you tripped with your own feet when we went trekking and Jeongguk had to carry all the way back down”

 

_ I wish I don’t remember _ .

 

They all burst into laughter. He even forced a laugh too. But between their voices he couldn’t heard Jeongguk’s. He searched for the other boy with his eyes and found him looking at the opposite side of the room, biting the insides of his cheeks, an habit he had when he’s not comfortable.

 

“It was really funny hyung” He couldn’t hide the resentful undertone of his words. Fuck he had been here for only a day and he already felt the urge to run away without looking back. He was sure he won’t make it till the end of summer. “Goodnight”

 

There was an awkward silence as he disappeared in the stairs that lead to his room. When he was there, he regretted not having unpacked because it was the last thing he wanted to do right now, so he pushed the bags out of the bedroom, not caring if there was anything there that could break. He took his damped clothes off and discarded them aside, each piece of cloth scattered on the floor randomly. 

 

It was then, in the darkness of the room, with the comfiness of the silence that he allowed himself to break again. To let the tears that remained from his conversation to fall into the pillow, as he used it to muffle the sobbing noises he was making.

 

It wasn’t longer after him that Taehyung heard a noise from the other side of the wall, Jeongguk’s room. And now he wished he hadn’t convince Namjoon to push the bed against the wall. He couldn’t hear the other boy as he threw himself on the bed, but he could feel him there.

 

Taehyung brought his hand up and rested the palm flat against the cold wall. He was so close, as close as he could get. But yet so far. He closed his eyes, wishing the sleep to come and the tiredness do the rest. But the only thing that came were the memories that they had shared the brief time they were together. The memories that they built in this same house, and the ones from outside. The memories from their first kiss, and the one from the last one. The memories of love, young and genuine, and the ones from heartbreak, crude and bitter.

  
  


~~~

 

“God Taehyung you need to stop eating those american candies you weight a lot” Jeongguk grunted, struggling to carry the older on his back as they reached the house.

 

“Excuse you my weight is perfectly fine, thank you” Taehyung retorted, crossing his arms in annoyance before the other boy dropped him in the couch without warning. “HEY” Taehyung shouted when his back touched the fabric of the sofa.

 

“Your tummy says otherwise” Jeongguk pinched the soft skin of his belly, making Taehyung jump in his position.

 

“Don’t do that” He whined.

 

“Do what?” Jeongguk tilted his head, “This?” He pinched the skin once again, and Taehyung fold himself, clutching his stomach, trying to protect it from Jeongguk’s touch. 

 

But Jeongguk wasn’t having it. There were so many things Jeongguk loved to do. And one of them was teasing the older. He loved too much the way his face turned into a constant pout whenever Jeongguk messed with him.

 

Jeongguk jumped on top of him, tickling at the sides of Taehyung’s body until the older was screaming and kicking his legs in order to set himself free of Jeongguk. He wasn’t tried too hard though. He never did. He also enjoyed when Jeongguk touched him, when he was so close he could smell his scent, he smelled like vanilla and it was soothing. It was addicting. Taehyung was lost in thought, he noticed because Jeongguk was looking at him, face hovering just a few inches from him he looked concerned.

 

“You know I’m kidding right?”

 

Taehyung frowned.

 

“I like it” Jeongguk smiled, in a way that his teeth showed and he looked like a bunny, like a baby bunny. His palm was resting flat against his stomach and Taehyung understood what he was referring to. 

 

Taehyung nodded. But Jeongguk didn’t move, his body still pinning Taehyung against the sofa. Hands resting at both sides of his face now. Taehyung swallowed and parted his lips. Jeongguk was too close, the tip of his nose brushing against his skin. He stared at Jeongguk’s lips, the lower one fuller than the upper. They looked soft and warm. Taehyung wanted to kiss them. He had been wanted to kiss them since the first time he had laid his eyes on him. Too young to even remember his age.

 

But Jeongguk pulled away, getting off the sofa in the blink of an eye. His cheeks a dark shade of pink, he rubbed his right arm anxiously as he stared down at Taehyung, “Sorry erm I-I was too close” He laughed nervously.

 

Taehyung shook his head.  _ You are never too close. Too close is not close enough _ . “Nevermind”

 

The awkwardness after that moment didn’t last long. The next time that Jeongguk got as close to Taehyung was that same night, when he had carried Taehyung to bed because  _ My ankle still hurts,  _ he had lied.

 

Jeongguk placed Taehyung carefully on the bed, and was about to turn around when the older pulled at his wrist, making him collapse into the mattress at his side.

 

“Where do you think you are going Ggukie?” He asked.

 

“To sleep?”

 

“Nope. You are staying with me tonight. What if I want to go to the bathroom?”

 

“Are you gonna make me carry you?”

 

“Of course! No way I’m gonna crawl you idiot”

 

“Oh okay”

 

They fell into silence. They were both lying in their backs, facing the ceiling. Taehyung’s hands were folded on top of his stomach, he was playing with his fingers anxiously. He waited until he couldn’t hold back anymore and turned around, looping one of his legs around Jeongguk’s waist.

 

“T-Tae” Jeongguk stuttered, his hands coming to rest on Taehyung’s arms, pushing him slightly, but not enough to move his body away.

 

“I can’t sleep if I’m not hugging something” Taehyung muttered, his face now resting on Jeongguk’s chest, it was warm and calming, his smell, his presence. But his heart was racing under his chest, Taehyung could hear it. It was beating hard, just like his own.

 

Taehyung nuzzled closer and held Jeongguk’s arms down, so they were resting on him, the poor boy had stayed with them hovering over his body, too afraid to touch him, too afraid to bother him. Jeongguk was sweet, too sweet. Taehyung wanted to know if he tasted sweet too.

 

He turned his face up, meeting Jeongguk’s eyes that didn’t seem to leave his own. He was staring at Taehyung, nibbling at his lower lip. Taehyung saw Jeongguk adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. He wanted to prove a point and Jeongguk wouldn’t mind, would he? It was for scientific research. Taehyung repeated in his mind as he moved closer, closing the little space that was between them. 

 

Jeongguk didn’t move away as Taehyung had expected, he leaned on the kiss, his lips pressed against Taehyung’s. He cupped his face next, hands trembling and breath uneven as he parted his lips, allowing Taehyung to have a taste. Well it was not as he had imagined, he didn’t taste like vanilla, he couldn’t tell what he tasted like, if it was sweet or not. But he liked it. Fuck he loved it. He couldn’t get enough of it.

 

It was Jeongguk who pulled first, gasping for air, his eyes wide open like a deer caught in the headlights. 

 

“Sorry I” Jeongguk tried to move away but Taehyung’s grip was stronger. He was stronger than Jeongguk, taller and bolder.

 

“Shh” Taehyung pressed a finger on Jeongguk’s lips, now wet with saliva, “Good night Ggukie”

 

After that night. Sleeping together became a habit. A habit that Taehyung easily grew used to. They switched from Taehyung’s room to Jeongguk’s. Taehyung loved the view better there. He enjoyed waking up and stared at the way Jeongguk’s hair changed the colour with the light, the view of the seaside behind him. It was one of the most beautiful, most breathtaking views he had ever witnessed. 

 

Everything went on smoothly. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. And with that the end of summer. Taehyung was glad that they hadn’t done anything physically more than kissing and cuddling. Because the day that he had to wave Jeongguk goodbye as they both sat into different cars and headed to different directions, Taehyung felt like a part of him was leaving too. It hadn’t passed an hour and he already missed his soft and gentle kisses, his feather like touches, he missed him. That’s when he realised he had fallen in love, and that he should have realised it earlier. So at least he could have told Jeongguk how he felt before they parted ways.

 

_ Next time _ .

 

But there wasn’t such thing as next time.


	2. Chapter 2

If the first day had been excruciating, then it was nothing compared to the following week. It all started slowly and gradually got worse.

 

Taehyung had woken up early in the morning, eyes swollen, lids glued together to the point it actually hurt to open his eyes. 

 

He walked sleeplessly his way to the kitchen. The house was quiet, sure the rest were still sleeping so he tiptoed downstairs, trying to be as silent as possible. 

 

He entered the kitchen so silently that the boy who was sitting on the isle didn’t even notice his presence. Taehyung stood there for a minute, staring at Jeongguk’s frame. His shoulders, broad shoulders, facing him. Taehyung thought about turning back and walk away as silently, as he had come. He didn’t want to face Jeongguk. Not now. Not ever. But the least now, when he had woken up and looked like a mess, eyes red for the continuous crying from last night. When he was tired, both physically and mentally. He didn’t have the strength needed. He thought he will never have it.

 

And just like that, when he was about to turn and leave, just like the coward he was, he had always been, Jeongguk turned around.

 

Taehyung gulped at the sight of him, of his eyes, Jeongguk’s almond eyes, those eyes that no longer looked at him fondly, but with something close to disdain.  _ I can’t do it _ .

 

“G-good morning” Taehyung stuttered, wincing at how weak he had sounded.

 

Jeongguk hummed in acknowledgement and focused his attention back to his breakfast.

 

Taehyung walked past him towards the cupboard, he picked a bowl and poured some milk in it. “M-mind if I join you?”

 

Jeongguk just shrugged not even bothering to lift his gaze to meet Taehyung’s face. Taehyung sat right in front of the younger, reaching out his hand to grab the box of cereals between them. He did it slowly, carefully, as if Jeongguk was a wild animal that could attack him if he moved too of a sudden.

 

They stood there, in silent. There were so many things Taehyung wanted to say, but no word found the way out of his mouth.  _ How are you? I’m sorry about everything. I miss you. I miss you so bad _ .

 

So he just look at him, not touching his breakfast. He looked at his hair, tousled to one side. His fingers itched with the urge to touch it, to run his fingers through the soft and silky locks of his raven hair. If he focused he could still remember the feeling of it on his fingertips, so alive and-

 

“Stop staring”

 

Taehyung gulped in surprise, too lost in his own thoughts to realise that he has just been caught. 

 

“I-I wasn’t”

 

Jeongguk half laughed at him, lips curving into a devilish smirk, his right eyebrow arched “And you aren’t stuttering either” 

 

Taehyung didn’t like it. He didn’t like the way Jeongguk was staring at him, amused with a sparkle of superiority that just didn’t fit the younger’s personality. He wasn’t like that, he had never been.  _ Who are you? _ He opened his mouth to answer but closed it just as fast. There was no point in fighting. If all the exchange of words between them in four years were going to end in an argument, then he won’t take part in it. He’s not like that. He didn't care that Jeongguk had all the right to be mad at him, but he won’t play along.

 

“I didn’t mean to bother you” That’s all he said, standing up, hands flat on the table before walking away without even having a taste of his breakfast.

 

Taehyung was too focused on not crumbling right in front of the younger, chewing the inside of his cheeks in order to hold back tears, that he didn’t notice him staring at him as he left.

  
  
  
  


After that encounter Taehyung had decided to avoid being left alone with the younger. In the mornings he stayed in bed until he heard any of the others walking off their room. And he had made sure to be the first one leaving to his room late at night. It had been easier then and if someone had noticed they didn’t comment about it either. But life had never been easy on Taehyung. No. Life enjoyed laughing at him.

 

So that’s why he was standing in front of Jeongguk’s room, staring at the closed wooden door as if in the other side his worst nightmare was waiting for him. It somehow was. He had been trying so hard to ignore the younger and now he was the one coming right to him. Jimin has asked him to ask the others if they needed something from the grocery store and he just agreed without even thinking that Jeongguk was included in that statement.

 

He sighed and combed his hair anxiously. Why was he trying to look good for Jeongguk? Not that the other male would care. 

 

“Okay” He sighed “Just ask and go. Is not that hard isn’t it?” He tried to convince himself before knocking on the door. Once. Twice. No answer.

 

He turned the knob to check if he was there. He was there but Taehyung hadn’t expected to find him like that. 

 

_ Oh _ .

 

Jeongguk was working out, it would had been a normal sight if it weren’t for the fact that a pair of sweatpants the only clothes he was wearing. He was shirtless, his bare back facing him. He was on the floor, one hand under him and the other on his back.

 

Taehyung’s jaw dropped at the sight. At the way his muscles clenched from the effort of pushing his body up and down with just one hand. His legs were a little spreaded to make it easier, but he was still sweating, his back shining.

 

If the other boy had noticed his presence he didn’t acknowledge it, he was grunting as he lifted his body up. For a moment Taehyung wished he was blind because that was a sight he will have difficulties in forget- and also deaf because those noises, that were making things to him, won’t be easy to forget either.

 

He gulped and licked his lower lip unconsciously. It was obvious that Jeongguk had been working out since the last seen each other, the way his body changed, got broader wasn’t natural. But still it was different to think about it rather than seen it, right in front of his face.

 

He coughed, so the other boy will notice him. It worked. But not as Taehyung had expected. Jeongguk turned his face towards him, his hair sticked to his forehead, there was a drop of sweat making his way down from his temple towards his neck. But the worst part was the smirk painted on Jeongguk’s face. He knew what that sight made Taehyung feel. 

 

However he didn’t stop there, Jeongguk leaned his body down one more time, slower this time, so his muscles clenched more clearly. Taehyung didn’t miss the way his hips rolled slightly as he reached the floor. All his doubts of Jeongguk showing off dissipated. It was obvious now, and the way he growled when pushed himself up again sent a shiver down his spine. This was too much.

 

When Jeongguk got up Taehyung let out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding, and mentally cursed at himself for being so weak when it came to Jeongguk.

 

“So what do you want?” Jeongguk asked, walking towards him, closing the space between them, the space that Taehyung needed to be able to breathe properly. He was getting too close.

 

_ You _ .

 

“I’m going with Jimin to the grocery store, he told me to ask you if you needed something” Taehyung was proud for not stuttering this time, his ears were burning and that was enough to be embarrassed about.

 

“Mmm” Jeongguk hummed, leaning on Taehyung. His breath hitched when he realised how close the younger was from him, the tips of his toes nearly touching.

 

Jeongguk stared at Taehyung’s lips, at the way they parted, wishing to be kissed. Taehyung closed his eyes and opened them when he felt Jeongguk’s hair brush his cheek slightly. Jeongguk picked up a towel that was hanging on the other side of the door, and moved backwards so Taehyung was able to breathe again.

 

“Ice cream” Jeongguk said, wiping away the sweat from his forehead, from his neck and collarbones, and from his oh so toned torso. He did so without breaking the eye contact with the older. He was enjoying that too much for Taehyung’s dislike.

 

“Ice cream” Taehyung echoed, too mesmerized into Jeongguk to even realise how pathetic he was sounding, how pathetic he was being, drooling at the sight of a shirtless Jeongguk.

 

“Yeah is hot here don’t you think?” Jeongguk said teasingly, his voice dropped an octave, and Taehyung had never heard the other boy talking so boldly, tone full of confidence and slight touch of arrogance. And he would be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on more than it should.

 

His whole body hurt with the need of touching Jeongguk, of feeling every inch of his tone skin under his fingertips, to rake his nails on the other boy’s back. The need of listening to Jeongguk’s hoarse voice whispering on his ear. The need of having him.

 

There were many things he wanted to do right now. But, even though Jeongguk was standing in front of him, his eyes dark and playful, Taehyung knew better. This was just a show off, a reminder of what Taehyung could have had if it weren’t because he had missed his chance, or more like break it into pieces and tossed it away.

 

“Chocolate?” Taehyung said, ignoring the other boy’s comment, remembering why he was here in first place.

 

“Yeah it’s my-”

 

“Your favourite I know” The words slipped out of his mouth before Taehyung could help it, and he regretted it instantly. He remembered. He remembered every single detail of Jeongguk’s likes and dislikes. But this had been the closest thing to admitting that he still remembered everything about him.

 

Taehyung could swear that Jeongguk’s stare softened for the split of a second before turning back to his now usual blank expression.

 

They both stood there for a minute that felt like hours. The silence that filled the room right now was too uncomfortable to bear it any more. He wondered what was running through the younger’s mind. He wondered if he was remembering too or if he was just annoyed by the fact that Taehyung was still there.

 

Taehyung used to read Jeongguk like an open book but right now he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried, it was useless. Jeongguk was like a closed book now, locked, and Taehyung used to have the key, but he tossed it away four years ago. And there was no turning back.

 

Without saying anything else he turned around and left the room, leaving a puzzled Jeongguk at his back, once again staring at his frame disappearing into the hall.

 

“What was that?” Taehyung muttered under his breath as he made his down downstairs to meet Jimin. 

 

He sprinted outside, and met the other boy who was casually resting his back on the drivers door. Yoongi was there too, face buried on Jimin’s neck. Taehyung didn’t want to know.

 

He walked to his side of the car and jumped into his seat, closing the door with a loud thud. He startled the other boys. They were looking at him confused, but Jimin beckoned Yoongi to go before he was able to ask what was wrong with him.

 

“Tae?” Jimin sank on his seat and closed the door but only to give them more privacy, he didn’t put the car into motion just yet. He wanted to check on his friend but Taehyung was not in the mood.

 

“Can we just go there please?”

 

Jimin knew something was off and it would be better to talk it out when there weren’t a pair of eyes staring worriedly at the car. Jimin noticed that Yoongi was still outside but what caught his attention was that Jeongguk was staring from his window towards them.

 

When the younger noticed that Jimin looked at him he hid behind the curtains and Jimin realised what everything was about. Well he didn’t need to be a genius, Taehyung was not okay. He hasn’t been since they had arrived here but less after their talk in the kitchen. But even after that he had also noticed a change of attitude from the younger boy sitting right beside him, arms crossed and a pout on his lips.

 

Jimin nodded and got into the road without further comment. The closest shop was just a few miles away so Taehyung didn’t had enough time to collect his thoughts during the ride. He, at least, could calm his heartbeats that had speeded up after being so close to Jeongguk. His cheeks and ears were no longer showing a shade of pink. He was glad that at least he was not longer physically affected.

 

But oh his mind was something else. Taehyung had the bad a habit of overthinking, his anxiety was the one to blame but he couldn’t help it. And after seeing Jeongguk, teasing him, more like punishing, the way his body looked tanner under the sunlight and his muscles stood out the way they never did before, well that didn’t help either.

 

He didn’t know what he prefered. Jeongguk, ignoring his mere existence, or Jeongguk, no longer sweet and innocent Jeongguk, playing with him. He didn’t like any option. But he had lost all hope, long time ago already. And now Jeongguk finally talked to him, even though he just seem to enjoy his suffering, at least he had something to cling to. Either way, Taehyung won’t come out unharmed.

 

On the store, Taehyung had helped Jimin abstently, nodding and smiling forcefully at whatever Jimin was saying. They were now standing on the alcohol aisle. Jimin had put three bottles of vodka on the basket and was holding two of tequila.

 

“They had no alcohol back there can’t you believe it?” Jimin scoffed, placing the bottles next to the others. “What’s this  _ The Prohibition _ ?”

 

“Unforgivable” Taehyung half laughed, rolling his eyes and earning a light punch on the shoulder from Jimin.

 

Taehyung didn’t like alcohol as much as the older did, well he wondered if someone ever would, but he wouldn’t mind getting drunk right now. Drowning his worries in alcohol was no a way out, he knew, but the idea of drinking until he stopped thinking, until he stopped feeling or until he passed out ―whatever happens first― seemed more appealing than ever.

 

It didn’t took long for them to pick up all the necessary stuff, they could live a week with all the food and stuff they had bought. What it took them a lot of time though, was to fit all the bags in the boot, but after struggling for half an hour and deciding to place some of the shopping the back seats they were done.

 

When they were on the seats Taehyung reached out his hand to stop Jimin from put the key on the car.

 

“Can we stay here for a moment?” Taehyung whispered, he brought his legs up to the seat and embrace them, resting his chin on his knees.

 

“Mmm sure Tae” Jimin said. He waited until Taehyung started to talk, he knew that Taehyung had difficulties in open up so he didn’t force him to do so.

 

It didn’t took long though. Taehyung took a moment to enjoy the silence of the car, it was a comfortable silence, in which Taehyung collected his thoughts before opening up to the older boy.

 

“I don’t wanna come back yet” He sighed, hiding his face on his legs.

 

Jimin placed one had on the back of his neck and caressed his skin, twirling his fingers on Taehyung’s hair the way he knew it calmed the younger when he was feeling anxious. He had spent too much time comforting Taehyung, more than he could have liked. He knew how to treat the other boy like nobody and Taehyung was grateful that he was there, in all his up and downs it was nice to have someone who you trust to lean on.

 

“‘s okay, there’s no rush”

 

“He’s making it so difficult Jimin. I-I don’t get it” His voice trembled, but this time he didn’t cry, he wondered if he had run out of them from last night, maybe he was dry. “First he ignores me like just a piece of trash that doesn’t deserve any bit of attention. And I know that I don’t deserve his attention but it hurts so much. But then he acts all cocky, like he enjoys it, he likes to see me struggling with his presence and he wants my eyes on him so he can laugh at me. I don’t know what to do. If I try to be nice he turns me down and if I try to ignore him he just shows off and it’s so damn frustrating”

 

Jimin let Taehyung let it all out. He listened as the other boy fill him in in all the events that happened between them since their last talk, his hand never leaving his nape, his thumb now drawing circles in his skin.

 

“Well it seems pretty obvious for me”

 

“What’s so obvious?”

 

“You have to find it out by yourself ”Taehyung looked up at Jimin, he locked his eyes with the older as he spoke, “You really need to talk things out with him. Tell him the truth and then see what happens”

 

“How I do that? He really hates me”

 

“Oh no he doesn’t” Jimin chuckled, there was not malice in his laugh.

 

“Did you heard what I just told you?” Taehyung scoffed, annoyed by Jimin’s attitude. He wondered if the older boy really understood the situation.

 

“Yeah and I also see the way he looks at you when you are not staring. I can’t tell if he still feels the same way as you feel but I can see that he doesn’t hate you. I think it’s just as difficult for him to be near you as for you”

 

Taehyung didn’t know what to answer. He really never noticed the other boy staring at him. He always acted as if he were invisible and, if not, he mocked him. But the thought of Jeongguk struggling too didn’t make him feel any better. He made him feel worse if anything. They were stuck in this mess because of him, he should be the one dealing with the consequences not both, not Jeongguk.

 

“Do you still love him?”

 

“Isn’t it obvious?”

 

“Of course it is Taehyung, I’m your soulmate I know everything about you. But I want you to say it so, do you still love him?”

 

“I never stopped loving him”

 

“Good. Now that you have admitted it we can move on. You are gonna take him, and talk with him with honesty” Taehyung stiffened at the thought of facing Jeongguk once again, he really wasn’t ready to do so, he wasn’t ready for rejection, he never was. But he knew Jimin was right, he should listen to his best friend more frequently, if he did so he wouldn’t be in this situation in first place, “It doesn’t need to be today, but the sooner the better. You are gonna tell him the truth Taehyung and after that, you can say whatever you need. But I’m really done with you both and we’ve been here for only two days for fucks sake”

 

“Sorry”

 

“I’m not the one you need to apologize” It’s all Jimin said before heading back to the beach house, speeding up a little more than he should when both realised that the frozen edibles had started melting already.

 

Taehyung stared at the window, and thought about when he was going to approach Jeongguk after what happened today, or worst, what was he going to say when the moment arrived. But he should do it as soon as possible. Jimin was right. Jimin was always right. If only he had listened to him.

 

  
  


~~~

  
  
  


“Are you sure about this Tae?” Jimin stared at the younger boy in front of him in concern. 

 

They were sitting on the couch of their shared apartment in Busan, where both were studying. Jimin was majoring in contemporary dancing whilst he was in performing arts.

 

“No. But that’s the best for both” Taehyung sighed, burying his face on his hands as he spoke.

 

“For both...or just for you?” Jimin inquired carefully.

 

“Which side are you on” Taehyung looked up at Jimin, who was sitting right beside him.

 

“Listen I’m not taking sides on this I just want you to sort this out before you do anything stupid”

 

“I-I’m doing this for both Jimin, you know how hard it is to see him… to see him crying every time we facetime? We see each other at least once every two weeks and he still-” Taehyung got up, walking in circles as he explained Jimin his point of view, “Ugh” He growled as he pulled at his own hair, he felt nauseous, something twitching at the pit of his stomach “He’s moving to Seoul, and” His voice trembled, “and we won’t see each other until he graduates” His voice dropped a tone, saying it out loud was worst. It made everything feel more real. “I don’t want him to be like that everyday. He deserves to be happy and enjoying his student life not missing me, not crying...”

 

“Then is set?”

 

“I think so” Taehyung swallowed hard, he knew it would be difficult but it was for the best, for the best of Jeongguk, for the best of him, for the best of both.

 

“Be careful Tae, you know how sensitive he is”

 

“I know Jimin I know, I will be honest and hope he understands, fuck I will never forgive myself if I hurt his feelings” The mere thought of hurting Jeongguk made him wanna throw up.

 

“And what about yours?”

 

There was silent for a minute, Taehyung avoided Jimin’s gaze by staring at the window. It was the end of october already, the weather was getting colder, but it was a sunny day outside. One of those deceiving days when the temperature didn’t match the day. He closed his eyes and wished his thoughts were as clear as the sky outside.

 

“I don’t care anymore” 

 

And when Jimin left the room, to give him some space, Taehyung allowed himself to cry for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like this update and don't hesitate in commenting, each one is highly appreciated <3


	3. Chapter 3

There were so many things Taehyung didn’t know. Taehyung didn’t know how to ride a bike, he never learnt as a child since he was too afraid to fall. Taehyung didn’t know how to solve equation systems, maths were never his particular strength. But mostly Taehyung didn’t know how to deal with Jeongguk. Not that Jeongguk made it easy for him, more like the opposite.

 

There were different stages of his relationship with Jeongguk. First it was avoidance. Then teasing. And now that Taehyung thought they were back at square one, it was a mixture both. There was a difference though. Taehyung had notice. It depended on who was around.

 

It could be difficult to miss it, when Taehyung arrived that night after doing the shopping and he took all his courage and walked towards Jeongguk who was sitting on the sofa, scrolling through his phone, distracted of everything around him. But as soon as he noticed Taehyung’s presence, he had locked the phone and walked away without saying a word or even spare a look at the older boy.

 

Taehyung had turned around and stared at Jimin who just shrugged and beckoned him to follow Jeongguk to talk with him. Taehyung sighed and did as Jimin said, following Jeongguk into the staircase that lead to the rooms.

 

He picked up his pace to catch the younger before he could walk into his room, the door was already open and the only thing Taehyung could do to stop him was placing his hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

 

Jeongguk stopped on his heels, stiffening his body as he felt the older’s hand. He turned around without taking Taehyung’s hand off his body but he did stare at it with disgust before turning his gaze towards Taehyung. He felt so small under his piercing eyes, he moved away his trembling hand when he noticed it had been placed there for far too long.

 

But Jeongguk took in the air and slammed it against the wall, walking towards Taehyung so he was caged between the wall and Jeongguk. Taehyung gasped it in surprise, his body heating up as Jeongguk close the space between them, his chest just inches away from his body. Taehyung’s eyes widened as he realized that this was the first time Jeongguk had touched him since they had broken up, he had forgotten how just a small touch could sent bolts of electricity down his body.

 

Taehyung’s lips parted when Jeongguk leaned on him, he didn’t know why, it was just a reflex out of habit. He closed his eyes and opened them just as fast when he felt the wet and warm feeling of Jeongguk’s breath against his neck, puffs of air hitting his skin and sending a shiver down his spine.

 

“Hyung,” It sounded like soft moan, but there was something in his voice he couldn’t quite figure out. Taehyung’s breath hitched, because of the proximity, because he had missed Jeongguk’s body so close, so close he could feel the way his chest raised and fell, he could hear his heartbeat, he could smell him, inhalate the sweet scent of his vanilla soup he never seemed to stop using. But just as Taehyung was starting to fall into the dream of Jeongguk, the younger caressed his hand from his fingers down to his palm as he spoke, in a voice low enough that Taehyung was the only one that could listen to it, but for him his words were loud and clear, right to his ear, he swore he could feel the brush of Jeongguk’s lips against his earlobe, or maybe he was too overwhelmed, “you can stare, but you cannot touch anymore”

 

And then he moved back, the playful smirk that seemed to not leave his lips showing. Taehyung felt something turn at the pit of his stomach. He stood there, frozen in place, eyes wide open staring at the younger boy that -although he was no longer over him- the ghost of his touch lingered on his skin, and it was burning, scolding.

 

Taehyung felt the urge to scratch his skin and free himself of that feeling, he couldn’t bare it. His body was heating up with anger now, he knew he had done things wrong in the past, but it didn’t allow Jeongguk to step over him, as if he was just a sack of meat without a feelings.

 

“Fuck you” Taehyung muttered, but he didn’t sound menacing, the words came out weak, just like he felt now, hopeless, he couldn’t bring himself to sound strong, how could he when his body was drained from any kind of emotion for four years, numb.

 

“I would say fuck me, but you would enjoy it too much don’t you hyung?” Jeongguk kept on teasing, holding Taehyung’s chin with his thumb and lifting his head up to meet his stare, his eyes were dark and foreign. Taehyung didn’t like it. He didn’t like any of this. He wanted to scream, to shout his lungs out, to let out everything he had been holding for so long. But the way Jeongguk was acting, made his blood boil, and he was not going to let him go away with that, no.

 

It took Taehyung all of his strenght to reach his hand up and slapped Jeongguk’s arm out of the way as he spoke “You are an asshole Jeongguk, don’t ever talk to me again”

 

Jeongguk was taken aback by the sudden change of mood from the older, his eyes widened bewildered, a frown painted on his face. Taehyung couldn’t bare his presence anymore, not when there were tears menacing to fall down his cheeks, but those were different. Taehyung had cried, more times that he would like to admit. But he was sad then. Not now. If he was going to cry now was because of how desperate he was, of the rage and impotency. Because he couldn’t believe that the boy that was standing in front of him right now acting all cocky was the same boy he had held so many times as he slept, that the lips that he so many times kissed were now forming words to laugh at him, that the presence that once was so calming now it was unbearable, to the point he may throw up.

 

But if Taehyung could be defined with a word, that word would definitely be proud. And so he won’t let it show, at least not in from of Jeongguk so he turned around and walked away.

 

“That was the plan, but it seems you are the one craving for attention” Jeongguk raised his tone, so Taehyung -who was already reaching his door- could hear it.

 

Taehyung reluctantly turned around, sparing a last glance to Jeongguk, his eyes glassy, “I want nothing from you Jeon Jeongguk, and I mean it”

 

_I don’t-_

 

_-mean it_

 

Taehyung slammed the door and this time, he was not the one who was left staring at a closed door, mouth agape and fists clenched still at both sides of his body.

  
  


The following day Taehyung had decided to not leave his room unless it was necessary, checking outside the door before he went to the room, walking to the kitchen to grab some food when he heard the rest of the boyd playing at the pool. He didn’t want to face Jeongguk ever again. He knew it would be a hard task considering he had been there for just a week or so and he was going to stay till the end of summer, but the more he could avoid the younger, the better. He had been safe. He had been doing fine all day, until someone knocked at his door.

 

Taehyung turned around and faced the wall, pretending to be asleep when the door opened and someone walked into his room. The mattress sank with the weight of someone else sitting on the bed, but Taehyung didn’t move, he wanted to keep his cover.

 

“You are not deceiving anyone Taehyung” Jimin grunted, sinking his index finger on Taehyung’s side, just below his ribcage, making him jump in his place.

 

“AH STOP” Taehyung growled, turning around to look at the other boy sitting on his bed, his dark blonde hair sticking to his forehead, it was still dump so he probably just came out of the pool. He closed his eyes, and went back to pretend he was sleeping.

 

“C’mon we gonna drink tonight”

 

Taehyung opened one eye at that. Well if there was a time of the year he felt like drinking, definitely that time was now. But then, Jeongguk was probably going to be there too, so the idea didn’t seem appealing anymore.

 

“Have fun then. You can drink my part, sure you will enjoy it for me”

 

“Don’t be petty, I haven’t see you all day. Besides you really look like someone who needs to drink until passing out”

 

Taehyung sighed, he was sure that if he refused one more time Jimin would drag him upstairs just like he dragged him here, but this time with audience.

 

“Okay but just one, I’m kinda tired” Taehyung stretched out his body before getting up.

 

“Of what?” Jimin raised an eyebrow and was met with Taehyung’s deadly stare, the one that didn’t threaten anyone, but was enough for Jimin to know what the fuss was about. “Oh, well then let me make you a special drink just for you kid” Jimin run his fingers through Taehyung’s hair before getting up and leading the way downstairs.

 

Everyone was already spreaded on the floor, the table moved aside so there was a space in the middle. Or kind of since the space was filled with bottles and glasses. Taehyung sighed and joined them, sitting as far from Jeongguk as he could get.

 

They all stared at him but anyone made a comment about his absence during the whole day, and Taehyung was glad about it.

 

Jimin sat next to him, but he was soon distracted by Yoongi’s hand caressing his thigh, Taehyung looked away. He was not the kind of enjoying public shows of affection, he once was, but no longer.

 

The mood was light, or he was already tipsy, he couldn’t tell. But he had reached a point where he couldn’t bring himself to care about Jeongguk’s presence, neither he could felt his tongue as he spoke, but that just proved the point it was all because of the amount of alcohol on his body.

 

He enjoyed it, being around his friends, talking and laughing about anything and everything. But the universe, or whatever, enjoyed laughing at him too. So soon they all found themselves playing stupid game to get drunk, more than they already were.

 

“Truth or dare” Hoseok said from his spot between Yoongi’s legs, the question directed to Namjoon who was at the other end of the circle, between Jin and Jeongguk.

 

“Truth” Namjoon nodded, too sure of himself.

 

“Okay, had anyone walk into the room while you were fucking Jin or drink three shots” Hoseok smirked, he was the kind of turning every single game into sexual stuff, no matter if it was truth or dare, or rock, paper scissors.

 

“For the record I’m the one doing the fucking” Jin pointed out, raising his eyebrow as he drank the rest of his glass in a gulp.

 

“Too much info dude” Yoongi complained, too disgusted for a boy whose hand hadn’t stopped palming Jimin’s inner thigh for the whole night. Taehyung laughed for himself.

 

“Well there was this time, when we were at the campus dorms and we...you know” Namjoon blushed, probably remembering and living once again in his mind the embarrassing moment he was about to tell, “well the thing was that we forgot to lock the door and there was this guy from senior year who had to grade my works, that had forgotten to pick up his notes before leaving”

 

“Oh no” Taehyung said, opening his eyes as wide as they could be.

 

“Oh yes” Namjoon nodded.

 

“Yeah that was exactly what you were saying honey” Jin teased, poking Namjoon’s cheeks.

 

They all burst into laughter, and Namjoon shrugged as if he could make himself smaller. It didn’t work.

 

“That was not the point” Namjoon rolled his eyes, but didn’t pushed Jin away as the elder leaned on him to place a kiss on the top of his head.

 

“Did you pass or he failed you for the trauma?” Hoseok laughed as he asked.

 

“He should have enjoyed the view since he put him an A” Jin pushed Namjoon into a lazy hug, “which I totally understand”

 

“Mmm okay enough” Namjoon brushed the subject away, and no one was going to question his decision. “Taehyung your turn, truth or dare”

 

“Truth”

 

“Mmm” Namjoon tapped his lower lip with his index finger while he thought, “Drink your glass in a gulp or tell us why-”

 

Taehyung didn’t let the older boy finish his sentence when he gulped his glass down, which was nearly full, well no longer, and hissed as the alcohol burned the way down his throat.

 

“Well that’s cheating” Namjoon scoffed.

 

“No it’s not” Taehyung laughed, shrugging his shoulders.

 

Namjoon was about to answer when Jeongguk, for the first time in the night opened his mouth to talk.

 

“Leave it Namjoon, he’s good at cheating” His voice didn’t tremble as the words slipped out his mouth.

 

They all fell into the most uncomfortable silence after Jeongguk spoke up. Taehyung felt the alcohol leaving his body, sobering up at the connotation of those words, bitter, aiming to hurt, and succeeding. His jaw dropped and his eyes wandered from the younger’s eyes, to Jimin’s, where they landed. There was a plea for help on his stare, but Jimin was as taken aback as him, his mouth forming a small o.

 

Taehyung felt the urge to get up and leave the room, but he fought it back. He was not going to let his anger and pain show. So he just laughed, an incredulously bitter laugh.

 

“He has a point there though” Namjoon added.

 

That was enough for Taehyung to break. One thing was dealing with Jeongguk, with his bitterness and edgy attitude. But dealing with his friends, or who he thought were his friends, turning his back against him was something else.

 

“I” Taehyung got up, fists clenched and pressed at both sides of his body, “you know what? I’m tired of this. You made it clear you don’t want me here, so i’m leaving. Fuck y’all” He shouted, and his voice didn’t betrayed him this time, speaking in a flat tone as he walked away to the front door, walking fast but not too much. When he walked out of the house, the fresh brisk with the scent of salt hit his face, he took a deep long breath, and that time he run, away from his thoughts, away from his feelings, away from the house.

 

“You are a fucking asshole Namjoon I hope you know that” Jimin got up, aiming to go after his friend but not before he made his point clear. He was tired of all that mess, and considering that Taehyung had just give up, then he won’t.

 

Namjoon was about to protest but Jimin cut him off. “We were not supposed to take sides on this” Jimin didn’t care anymore about what the others, and the least Jeongguk, would think. If any of them was going to acknowledge the problem then he would.

 

“Pretty bold of you don’t you think?” Jin spoke to stand for his boyfriend.

 

“Well at least I know the truth not half of it hyung” Jimin massaged his temples, before keeping on talking, this time looking right to Jeongguk, pointing a digit to the younger’s chest, “Taehyung can be whatever you want, but he’s not a cheater, and I won’t let you talk to him like that”

 

“Except he is” Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh my god do you really think that he cheated on you? Really Jeongguk? I thought you weren’t so dense” He growled, tired, “Taehyung would never do that to you, he may be a coward to admit it out loud but he lied, he never cheated on you Jeongguk”

 

“What are you talking about?” Jeongguk’s eyes widened in confusion.

 

“Well if you hadn’t acted like a dickhead since we arrived then you will know it by now, wait where are you going?” Jimin walked towards Jeongguk, stopping him in place, his palm resting on the younger’s chest.

 

“To talk with him”

 

“You have done enough Jeongguk, I don’t want you anywhere close my best friend so back off, at least from now” There was the slightest annoyance on Jimin’s tone.

 

Jeongguk swallowed and muttered a fine before heading upstairs. Jimin sighed and look at the rest of the boys, whose eyes were open like plates.

 

“You better apologize to him hyung” Jimin stared at Namjoon before turning his attention to Yoongi and Hoseok, who seemed to be frozen in place, “And you two better be at bed when I come back I need cuddles”

 

They both nodded and Jimin turned on his heels, walking out the house, looking for his friend. It was dark but he didn’t need to see him to know where he had gone. He knew Taehyung like the palm of his hand, every wrinkle and line. Taehyung used to have the habit of running away when something wrong happened, he had never being one to face the problems, he usually needed some time to overthink about it before acting.

 

Therefore Jimin had no trouble in finding the younger boy, sitting on the sand, arms hugging his legs and face buried on his knees. Jimin stood there for a minute, looking cautiously at Taehyung before approaching him.

 

Taehyung didn’t know how much time had he been there, enough he thought, for his mind to travel, four years to the past, to a time and place he didn’t want to remember. He should have listened to Jimin. Back then and in the present.

  
  
  


~~~

  
  


He should have listened to Jimin. But when he had seen Jeongguk, oh his sweet and innocent Jeongguk, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. But he should have done it as Jimin had said.

 

Jeongguk had come all the way from Busan so Taehyung could break up with him. He felt like shit. And the fact that Jeongguk was smiling at him with his cute and bunny smile, unaware of what’s on Taehyung’s mind at the moment, made him feel even worse.

 

The more he waited the more difficult it was. With every minute that passed Taehyung was less sure about his decision. With every kiss, with every slight touch, with every single glance. It made his chest hurt, physically hurt, as if someone was using him like a punching bag.

 

Taehyung had kept the skinship to the minimum, and Jeongguk had noticed it. He didn’t comment on it though.

 

The weekend had passed in the blink of an eye and Taehyung found himself with Jeongguk once again standing in front of his door. Ready to kiss him goodbye. Until next time. _Next time_.

 

Jeongguk was the one who started it, his hands clutching at his shirt like lifeline. Taehyung stumbled backwards at the eagerness, hands coming to rest at the back of Jeongguk’s neck. He clutched at him kissed him back, tasting every inch of Jeongguk’s mouth with his tongue, as if it was the last time and he wanted to remember the warmth and comfort he had found on the cavern of his mouth. He wanted it to last, he wanted to hold Jeongguk against his body forever, but there’s nothing like that. There’s not a forever like in fairy tales, where everyone is happy till the end. No he won’t have his happy ending. No he won’t have a happy ever after- they won’t.

 

Jeongguk was the one who started it, and was the one to break it too, he was panting, his chest felt heavy and his eyes were glassy, Taehyung didn’t understand why. Usually it was not until Jeongguk walked towards the door that he started crying, he usually waited till the last minute because he didn’t want Taehyung to notice, though he had always failed at least he always tried. But this time he didn’t, he didn’t wait, he didn’t try.

 

“What’s wrong Tae?” Jeongguk hiccuped, tears streaming down his cheeks, the grip on his shirt tightening.

 

“What do you mean?” Taehyung held Jeongguk’s hands on his own and swallowed hard because he had been too delusional to think that Jeongguk, innocent Jeongguk,  wouldn’t notice his change of attitude. That the boy who could read him like an open book couldn’t feel there was something wrong. Taehyung had been oblivious, believing that Jeongguk couldn’t see what was about to happen. But now, with the other boy staring up at him, with a wrecked expression, he couldn’t bring himself to take the next step and wreck his heart too.

 

“You have been acting weird Tae, I-I don’t know but you seem distant, and I don’t know what have I done wrong but I-I’m sorry” Jeongguk cried and Taehyung’s heart clenched under his chest.

 

“Hey,” Taehyung cupped his face with both hands, thumbs caressing his cheeks in a reassuring and gentle manner, “you did nothing wrong”

 

“Then why are you acting like you don’t want me anymore”

 

“I want you. I-I listen it’s just-” Taehyung stuttered. No he can’t do it.

 

“I see” Jeongguk walked backwards, keeping the distance between them. Taehyung didn’t know what was going through Jeongguk’s mind but he could have an idea. Jeongguk was smart, he sure understood what Taehyung was about to, or not so, do. “You are seeing someone else”

 

It came out more like a statement instead of a question, and it was just enough to leave Taehyung speechless. No. That was not true. But he stood in silent. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe it was better if Jeongguk thought that, because he sure would stop thinking about him. Maybe this was for the best. So Taehyung didn’t say a word, looking down instead, not able to face Jeongguk. He was a coward, not able to look at him and lie to his face. Was it better though? Was there any difference between lying and not telling the truth?

 

“Oh” He heard Jeongguk say, his voice dropping low at the realization, as if he had said it without thinking that there was any possibility, just to find out that he was right, even though he wasn’t.

 

It would have been so easy, so so easy if Jeongguk slapped him right now, shouted or cursed at him to get all his pain out. But he didn’t. Instead Jeongguk, oh so sweet and innocent, wiped away his tears and spoke, low like a whisper, he was sure he couldn’t hear him if they weren’t so close.

 

“I hope he makes you happy the way I obviously didn’t”

 

Jeongguk left without any other word, without Taehyung being able to reach out to him and stop him. Without a chance to made up his words, without a chance of telling the truth. This had been the easy way out, Taehyung was no longer sure about that. The moment he heard the noise of the door, reality hit him like a truck, and oh he wished a truck hit him right now, he was sure it wouldn’t hurt as much.

 

Taehyung unlocked his phone and texted Jimin.

  


**_Taetae 21:37_ **

 

_Jiminnie u were right_

_I fucked it up_

  
  


He won’t regret it in the future since he was already regretting it right now. There were tears at the back of his eyes. But he held them back this time. For both.

  
  


~~~

  
  


“Hey buddy” Jimin’s soothing voice woke him up from his reverie, and Jimin couldn’t imagine how thankful Taehyung was.

 

“Hey” Taehyung looked up at the older and rested his face on the crook of Jimin’s neck when the latter joined him in the sand.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Better than I thought, worst than I wanted” Taehyung sighed, and closed his eyes, letting the warmness of Jimin’s body along with the feather-like touches comfort him. “I wanna go home”

 

“Taehyung…”

 

“It’s better if i’m not here hyung, I don’t want then to step over me like that. And it’s everything my fault, I can’t blame them, but I don’t want to be here for it.”

 

“Stop punishing you like that, you made a mistake, a big one if you asked me, but no one’s perfect Tae. All of us had made mistakes, but what makes the difference it’s the way we confront them. Mistakes are good in a way, only if we learn from them, and you sure had learnt. Besides, they won’t talk to you like that ever again”

 

“How do you know?” The sound of Taehyung’s voice was muffled.

 

“Cause I told them”

 

“You what?” Taehyung looked up bewildered, a mixture of surprise and betrayal mingled in his light brown eyes.

 

“I told them you never cheated, I didn’t told them why you said that. The reason behind this is none of their business, just yours and Jeongguk’s”

 

“How am I supposed to face them now Jimin?” Taehyung complained. Jimin always knew what to say, he was one of those friends that always told you the truth, bitter or not, he was objective and even though sometimes it hurt, Taehyung was glad there was someone in his life who he could trust in every way.

 

“Well you are not a coward”

 

“But I am”

 

“No matter how many times people, including myself, had told you that. But you are not. Not everyone would be able to be here, so close to Jeongguk even when you never stopped loving him. You are braver than you think Taehyung”

 

Taehyung didn’t know what to say, how to answer, but Jimin didn’t seem to need an answer, just Taehyung to remember his words and so he did.

 

They stood in silent, staring at the sea and enjoying each other’s company until the air became too cold, and the waves threatened to reach the spot where both were sitting. Taehyung was too sober now, too aware of what happened, and too afraid to come back home to find the rest of the boys waiting for them.

 

He was relieved when he realised that the house was silent, the living room empty, the bottles and cups scattered where they had left them.

 

With a one last hug, Taehyung said good night to Jimin and told him he needed some time alone when the older had suggested to join him  and watch a film, although it was four a.m already. Jimin didn’t look too convinced when Taehyung told him it was fine, but he didn’t fight him, instead he nodded and walked into his room, half deflated and half happy because he truly was in need of cuddles right now.

 

Taehyung threw himself on the bed after taking off his shorts, now that he was laying, eyes closed he realised that he was still kind of tipsy, head spinning and body numb. It felt good, for once, not feeling anything.

 

His mind was blank and it didn’t took him long before he started drifting away, too exhausted he just let his body go, and fall into the numbness. He didn’t know if he had fallen asleep already, or if he was about to when he heard a knock on the door, soft before the knob turned and someone walked into the room.

 

“Jimin, I’m really fine” Taehyung muttered, turning around to face the elder boy.

 

But he fell silent when he realised that the boy in front of him was taller, broader that Jimin. He rubbed his eyes, focusing on the figure standing in front of his bed.

 

“Jeongguk?”

 

“Why did you lie to me?”

 

“Listen I’m not in the mood to have this conversation now” Taehyung growled in annoyance, no, if he was going to speak to Jeongguk, it had to be somewhere else, not in his bed, at god knows what time in the morning, and without having any sleep. And with the heat of the moment that would lead to something they would regret the following day, didn’t matter if that something meant words, or anything else. Taehyung didn’t want to risk it.

 

But Jeongguk was not having it, he crawled into the bed, in top of Taehyung, holding his wrists in place so he could not move away. His legs coming to rest at both sides of Taehyung’s body, caging him under his strong body. Not that Taehyung was going to fight it. The sight of Jeongguk from beneath was breathtaking, his hair was falling over his eyes, his arms tensing in a way that made his biceps stand out in the most appealing manner. It made Taehyung’s heart skip a beat, his mouth dry when he tried to swallow. He was close, so close he could feel his agitated breath against his skin. And oh god if it weren't because he was still mad and sad and Jeongguk seemed to be on the same page, he sure had felt his body heating up in anticipation.

 

Taehyung shook his head and cursed under his breath for letting his ward fall down just because Jeongguk’s proximity. That was not the time to think about Jeongguk in that way, but it was hard to fight back the thoughts gathered since he had seen him. He swallowed hard and looked at the younger’s face, his expression was dark and unreadable, with the weak light coming from outside it was difficult to tell, but his eyes seem redder than he remembered. Side effect of the alcohol, he thought, he hoped.

 

“Y-you” Jeongguk’s voice crumbled, “you hurt me Taehyung” his voice betrayed him again.

 

_Taehyung_

 

It had been the first time in four years that he had heard his name coming from the younger’s mouth and oh god if he had missed the way his name sounded with his voice. Though Jeongguk's voice was deeper now, and raspy and it made it sound even better than before. He could spend all day listening Jeongguk just saying his name.

 

Jeongguk sank his head on Taehyung’s chest, defeated, and the older couldn’t process what was happening until he felt the fabric of his shirt sticking to his body, wet.

 

“That makes the both of us” Taehyung breathed, too overwhelmed by the sight, he wanted to ruffle Jeongguk’s hair back, the way he used to, the way he remembered, but he was still holding his wrists in place so he looked up at the ceiling instead. It was easier not to look at the younger right now. He was weak when it came to Jeongguk.

 

Jeongguk released his grip and came to a sitting position, next to Taehyung. He buried his face on his knees, he looked so small and vulnerable so unlike the present him, and so like the past Jeongguk he was so fond of.

 

The sight would have been endearing if it wasn’t because he was trembling, body shaking as he spoke, low and faltering. “I-I thought I was the problem. I thought there was something wrong about me. I thought I was weak and boring that’s why you got tired of me and-”

 

“It wasn’t your fault Jeongguk” Taehyung cut him off, but without daring to look at his eyes, red and glassy, it made his heart clench and twist, as if someone had sank his hand on his chest and was playing with it to test how much it could withstand.

 

“Then why?” He didn’t need to stare at the younger to know he was pouting.

 

“I’ll tell you, but not now. I want to sleep and you should rest too. Go to your room _Gguk_ I’ll tell you tomorrow okay” Jeongguk’s eyes widened like a deer caught in a headlights at the sound of the nickname. Taehyung hadn’t intended to call him that, but the words slipped his mouth so easily that there was no point in taking in back now, he just let it slide.

 

“I won’t go anywhere until you tell me” This time he didn’t falter.

 

“Stubborn as always” Taehyung scoffed, “well goodnight then” He closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep, which, both knew it wasn’t true, he had always needed to hug something to rest properly and right now, the only thing he was holding, was himself in order not to break down again.

 

Jeongguk rolled his eyes and let his body fall to Taehyung’s side, so both were laying on their backs and facing the ceiling.

 

“I hate you” Jeongguk whispered, pushing Taehyung against his body. His words didn’t match his actions, but Taehyung was not going to question him. Instead he let his body get carried until his face was pressed against the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, his hand grabbed Taehyung’s arm and placed it over his stomach, and held it there for a minute before he realised what he was doing and released the grip to bring his hand to his own side.

 

“I hate you too” Taehyung muttered, nuzzling his nose on his skin out of reflex, inhaling Jeongguk’s scent and listening to his heartbeats, which somehow had calmed down to a steady rhythm, his eyelids felt heavy so he closed his eyes, and let the pound of Jeongguk’s heart lullaby him until the darkness engulfed him, and he fell asleep, holding Jeongguk so close their bodies could melt together.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this one took more time because writer's block is a bitch but it's longer this time! Sorry for any grammar mistake don't forget i'm not english speaker  
> Comment your thoughts i enjoy reading your comments uwu  
> Hope you like it <3


	4. Chapter 4

Taehyung woke up with the morning sunlight hitting his face, he let out a loud groan, hands stretched over his head. He rolled to his side and it was only when his hand fell to the empty side of the bed when the events from last night flooded his mind. The drinking game, Namjoon’s words, the tears and Jeongguk.  _ Jeongguk _ .  _ Must be a sweet dream. _ Taehyung thought. The empty bed confirming his thoughts. No way Jeongguk would have slept with him, not only sleep but hug him as he did so.  _ No way _ . But the not so foreign scent of vanilla still lingering in his pillow told him otherwise. He looked around, looking for any real sign that last night have been real. But he found nothing. He sighed and buried his face on the pillow, leaving a low grunt as the headache from the alcohol hit him.

 

He stayed on bed for the rest of the day, cursing himself and mostly Jimin for convincing him to drink that much. His stomach rumbled but he didn’t dare to move an inch, he wasn’t sure if he was hungry of he was about to spit his guts, but he better not tempt the universe and stay there. 

 

It turned out that he had slept for one day straight, waking up the following morning with the feeling that he hadn’t eat for a year, empty stomach complaining. He was about to get up from bed to eat breakfast  — lunch, dinner? What was even the time? — when he realised there was a tray right beside his bed. He lowered himself on the floor and took in the meal that was right in front of him. There was apple juice in a glass and a bowl full of chocolate mueslis. He suddenly felt bad for cursing at Jimin, the older boy really know how to take care of his friends, he made a mental note to thank him later but first things first.

 

“Good morning sleeping beauty” Jimin smiled from the kitchen counter, cleaning up the dishes.

 

“Morning” Taehyung answered back, taking his spot on the sink to clean the rest even though there was no much left. “Thanks for breakfast”

 

Jimin raised his eyebrow and looked at him confused, his eyes widen when he saw the empty tray on Taehyung’s hand, a shit eating grin that he couldn’t decipher on his face. “Oh, that,” he looked over his shoulder at the boys sitting on the couch watching a film and shrugged, “you are welcome I guess”

  
  
  
  
  


Nothing really changed after that night, except from the fact that everyone seemed to act around Taehyung as if he was a piece of porcelain, carefully, like he will break any time if they get too close. Taehyung didn’t like it. But he just let it slide, he knew it was just a natural reaction, that they will come back to treat him like they used to sooner or later. An for once he was right.

 

It’s been a week already and no one had brought up the small incident, he was glad that after they all apologised, all except from Jeongguk of course —but he didn’t expect that so— everything was back to normal in the end.

 

And for Jeongguk too. The younger boy hadn’t approach him, and Taehyung started to get used to it, to his presence, to the awkwardness of bumping into each other without any exchange of words. It was better like that he thought, having Jeongguk back into his life without really having him back. Jimin’s words still dance through his mind, reminding him that he still needs to make a move, to talk with him, to tell him the truth. But he was too afraid, he always was, but now that Jeongguk stopped acting all cocky and superior around him and went back to ignore him, it was as if he was craving for attention. So he let that slide too. Bringing up the subject didn’t seem right when the other boy so obviously didn’t care about their relationship —is that a good word to describe it? more like non-relationship at all—. Did it really matter after all? Did Jeongguk care at all about the truth? After all this time? Taehyung sighed and laid back on the now empty sofa.

 

“Where are we going?” He asked resting his arm under his head to look at Jimin heading towards the door.

 

“Nowhere. You stay kid” Jimin laughed.

 

“Huh?”

 

“We are going to the store, we are running out of food already”

 

“And why is that I can’t go?” Taehyung scrunched his nose.

 

“You already came last time Tae we are taking turns, and well Namjoon insisted that you stay, take care of the house while we are gone and all that stuff” Jimin waved his hand dismissively.

 

Taehyung rolled his eyes but nodded and Jimin, even though he didn’t look too convinced, left his car keys rolling over his index finger before he closed the main door. Taehyung stared at the glass sliding door for a minute, taking in the silence that filled the house. He wasn’t tired at all, after how many hours he had slept, it was impossible. He woke up that morning willing to be around his friends after his alcohol induced sleep. He didn’t need time for himself, for once, he didn’t want to spend his free time with his thoughts ranting inside his head, too loud for a too silent place.

 

He closed his eyes, not wanting to drift away, images of Jeongguk showing up without him even trying. It seemed as if the younger’s bunny smile was still printed at the back of his eyelids, unwilling to leave his mind.  _ Jeongguk _ . But the pictures wandering on his mind are from long time ago, chubby cheeks, dark brown hair not long enough to cover his eyes, small frame, so unlike the present.

 

The couch sank where his feet rested, he opened one of his eyes to find Jeongguk sitting there, hands resting on his lap, his fingers laced in a knot, thumbs playing. He would be lying if he said he was taken aback, heart doing a backflip inside his chest, mouth going dry at the mere presence of the younger boy so close. He crooked one eyebrow as he stared, words caught in the back of his throat. He moved backwards, giving the raven haired boy more space to sit beside him.  _ Beside him _ .

 

“I didn’t hear y’all arriving” It sounded more like a question rather than an statement.

 

“I didn’t go” Jeongguk muttered, hand reaching to the table in front of the sofa and picking up the control, switching on the TV as if it was normal. As if the younger boy hadn’t been ignoring him for the span of two weeks and a half. As if he wasn’t doing the exact same thing right now.

 

“Oh, okay” Taehyung sighed, stretching out his arms before he got up.

  
  


“You don’t have to go” Jeongguk whispered, and for a moment Taehyung wondered if those words were directed at him. Even though Jeongguk didn’t turn his face from the screen, the house was still empty, so he must be talking to him.

 

Taehyung wished his heart didn’t start racing as much as it did, a cold shiver running down his spine despite the hot temperature of a summer day. He stood there for a minute, staring at the empty spot on the couch, wondering if that was okay, if it was okay to sit down next to Jeongguk and pretend it didn’t hurt, to be so close and yet so far.

 

Resigned, Taehyung sat down, laying on his side, elbow propped on the arm rest, pretending he didn’t notice Jeongguk going a little stiff, shifting to the opposite side, mirroring his position and surfing through the channels until he found something good enough to watch. Not Taehyung’s favourite choice but he wasn’t going to pay much attention to the film anyway.

 

He wondered how does people even start conversations. It’s not like he could ask Jeongguk how he was, something like hey, how have you been? Did live treat you better than I did? Jimin told me you already know I didn’t cheat on you, so everything fine now? friends? It was stupid, pointless. So he ended up paying more attention to the film that he had intended at first. 

 

It wasn’t that bad. Some cheesy teenage love story about a straight couple. Something about it that would make it easy for anyone who watched it to feel identified. TV sucks these days. The girl in the movie didn’t seem to have an easy live, she had run away without telling anyone, not even his boyfriend, and disappeared, just to end up finding his past love-of-her-life —who she never stopped thinking about— years later. It didn’t surprise him the cliché of the way they had reunited: a coffee shop. She was ordering a caramel macchiato and surprise, her ex was the barista. She asked him about his life just get cut by a cold “ _ Next in line” _ .

 

Jeongguk chuckled, and Taehyung couldn’t help but stare at the younger boy. He didn’t find it funny, there was nothing funny about it, or maybe Taehyung was overreacting. For God’s sake it’s just a film, right?. But he somehow felt annoyed, that scene wasn’t supposed to make anyone chuckle so carelessly.

 

“It isn’t funny” Taehyung snapped, sounding more annoyed than he first intended.

 

“What?” Jeongguk raised his eyebrow, his stare piercing through Taehyung’s eyes —fuck why it made him look that hot.

 

“I mean, the film, I don’t find it funny” Taehyung mentally patted his back for not stuttering.

 

“Well I do and what about it?” Jeongguk answered, turning his attention back to the screen, where the girl was rushing down the street in a rainy day with tears in his eyes, Taehyung wished he didn’t find it so relatable.

 

“Look at her, she’s crying”

 

“She deserved it” There was a bitterness on Jeongguk’s voice that wasn’t there before.

 

“You are just emotionless”

 

“Why? Just because I think she deserves it? Well, she should have thought it better before leaving him without a word. What did she expected? Coming back to his life as if nothing had happened”

 

Taehyung thought there was a hint of resentment on Jeongguk’s tone. He wondered if he was still talking about the film or there was something else about it.

 

“She was just trying to apologise. She already knows she made a mistake, and she obviously regrets it”

 

“Regret doesn’t change the fact that she left him, made him feel he was worthless of her love”

 

“She never said that she didn’t loved him” Taehyung didn’t know why he was so invested in this argument, but he somehow wanted Jeongguk to understand his point of view. But Jeongguk won’t give in so easily.

 

“She never said that she did either” Jeongguk half laughed, as if the argument started to become something deeper, personal even.

 

“I pity her” Taehyung muttered, his sympathy with the girl growing as the argument developed.

 

“Of course you do” 

 

_ Oh _

 

Or maybe it had never been about the film at all, and Jeongguk was just voicing his thoughts and using the main character as a shield.

 

“What do you mean by that? And don’t tell me anything about the film, I may be dense but not that much Jeongguk” Taehyung turned his body so now he was sitting, legs crossed facing the younger boy, who didn’t bothered to move at all.

 

Jeongguk sighed, clasped his hands together, his index fingers resting over his nose, as if he was praying. Taehyung wanted to pray.

 

“Look, It’s as simple as that,” Jeongguk pointed at the screen, “You can’t expect coming back to my life, trying to act like my friend, as if nothing had happened. Because  _ a lot  _ happened.”

 

Taehyung just stared for a minute, wondering if Jeongguk wanted him to answer already or if he was still collecting his thoughts. The answer was Jeongguk turning his gaze towards him. There was a lot going in Taehyung’s mind, so many years thinking about what he wanted to tell Jeongguk, well, how he wanted to tell Jeongguk about everything, just to end up without any words coming out from his mouth.

 

“I never wanted to end up in bad terms” His voice trembled at the end.

 

“Well, you did a fucking great job then”

 

_ I know _

 

He knows that too damn well. He wouldn’t have found himself in this messy situation if he had done things properly, but the past can’t be fixed, and he had not intention in fixing the past, he just wanted to make his present, his future more bearable at least.

 

“Jeongguk” The younger boy flinched at the way he pronounced his name, with all the fondness that still remains of him in Taehyung.

 

“No” Jeongguk got up in a bolt, clearly distressed. “Oh God this is stupid” He raised his hands over his head, pulling at his own hair slightly, as if the whole situation had reached the peak of overwhelming for him. Taehyung understood, long ago had he reached this point. “I knew I shouldn’t tell you”

 

_ What? _

 

Taehyung was taken aback, confused by the last statement, there was something more that Taehyung didn’t know about this whole argument Jeongguk was having with him, and with himself too.

 

“Tell me what?” Taehyung inquired, concerned there was another piece missing in this puzzle.

 

Jeongguk froze in place, looking down at him a little bewildered, “When I went to your room, I knew I shouldn’t have gone, I knew it was pointless”

 

Taehyung’s eyes widen, his lips parted in surprise, The memories of that night coming back from the back of his mind, to the surface of his skin. He looked back at his hands, focusing on them as if he could still feel the grip of Jeongguk over them. It had been real. His ears felt warm, and they probably look like that too.

 

“I-I don’t really remember what happened that night, I thought I was drunk and my mind was playing fucking games with me”

 

“You don’t remember or you don’t want to remember” Jeongguk asked a bit sceptical.

 

“I recall you being there, b-but I don’t really remember”

 

Jeongguk sighed, defeated. Taehyung’s heart sank at the sight, he wished that the earth could swallow him right there and then, that he could vanish and all the pain he had provided to the younger boy vanished along with him without trace. He had always tried to find the easy way out, but this was as easy as it could get, which is nothing at all.

 

“Jeongguk,” he tried again, voice even softer, like a murmur, when the younger boy hadn’t answered, he looked spaced out, “If I said anything that hurt you that night, please tell me, I have no idea what could I have said from all the things, but if you don’t tell me there’s no way I find out, I’m not a clairvoyant”

 

“Leave it hyung, it doesn’t matter after all” Jeongguk said, turning on his back and heading upstairs.

 

_ It matters. You matter. _

 

Taehyung stood there for a minute, looking down at his feet. Jeongguk said it didn’t mutter but of course it did. He bit the inside of his cheek, wondering what’s next. Will Jeongguk come back to the previous attitude, to ignore him. No. Taehyung won’t let that happen again. He got up and walked firmly towards the dormitories. No. Jeongguk had opened up for him, even slightly it was a hint that he cared, that he still cared even though it was like hold on to a burning nail, Taehyung won’t miss his chance. If giving up now was like rebuilding the wall that Jeongguk had let fall just minutes ago, he won’t let it happen.

 

Jeongguk had been the one who face the problem just now, not just now, it was the second time, and Taehyung hadn’t tried hard enough. Until now.

 

He opened the door of Jeongguk’s door without even minding to knock before walking into the room. The raven haired boy has laying on bed, head buried in the pillows and for the split of a second he looked fragile, the side effect of letting his emotions flourish to his skin pores.

 

“Go away” He muttered, voice muffled by the fabric of his pillow.

 

“I’m not going anywhere Jeongguk”

 

Jeongguk grunted, punching the side of his bed once before turning his face to look at Taehyung “What do you want now?”

 

_ You. You again. You, always. _

 

“To apologise”

 

“And for what is now?” Jeongguk half laughed, incredulous that they are having this conversation right now.

 

“For everything. For being an asshole. For not letting you know earlier. For being a coward. And mostly for lying to your face” God it felt so good, Taehyung thought, letting all the words jump from his mouth. It was as if a weight was lifted from his chest and he could breathe again.

 

“Don’t you think it’s too late now?”

 

“It is. I should have told you the same day you left my apartment that I regretted every single thought, every single decision that lead to you leaving”

 

Jeongguk opened his mouth but oh no Taehyung was not finished yet, no. He had so many remorse stored inside him and now that all his thoughts had found the way out of his body there was no way to stop them and push them back inside again.

 

“This looks like an empty apology, as if I want something in return but I don’t. I just want you to know that I regret it, I regret it since day one Jeongguk, and I wish I could turn back time and take all my words back but I can’t. I can’t fix what is broken but I want you to know the reason, the stupid reason why I did why I did. And after that you have all the right to hate me again. But at least you will know why you should hate me” Taehyung stopped taking the air back to his lungs, he hadn’t breathed since he started talking and now he feels as if he was about to pass out, he somehow was. This was overwhelming. This situation. Jeongguk. Everything. But mostly Jeongguk, staring at him eyes wide open like a deer caught in the headlights. He wished he could freeze time and stay right there for longer, to have Jeongguk’s eyes on him with a look that didn’t seem menacing, scary, more like the opposite, like he was waiting for this moment as much as Taehyung was.

 

“It sounds stupid but I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought you would be better without me. It was hard for me too Jeongguk, so fucking hard. Whenever we see each other we ended up crying, I was afraid that it would lead to arguments, to unnecessary distractions for you in your first year or college. I wanted you to have fun, not to worry about me. To live your life without anyone holding you back and I thought that breaking up would be the best option. But then I couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I looked at you I thought I couldn’t forgive myself if I ever hurt you that way” Taehyung laughed at the irony of everything he’s saying, “” But then, you asked me if I was with someone else and I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t true, I would never do that to you, so I stood there in silence, knowing that if you believed it, you would break up with me, forget about me and live your life the way I knew you would. And I’m really sorry Jeongguk, I really am. For everything I’ve done. But I guess that’s it, now you can still hate me, I’d totally understand”

 

Taehyung fell silent after that, his heavy breathing the only noise filling the otherwise silent room. It was Jeongguk who spoke then, low but clear, with a fake laugh that deceived no one “You know what’s funny?” Taehyung raised his eyebrow as he waited for an answer. “That even back then, I couldn’t bring myself to hate you Taehyung”

 

That was,  _ unexpected _ .

 

“If I were you I would”

 

“Well I couldn’t even though I tried. You don’t know how hard I tried to hate you, but it was pointless and that made me even angrier, but with myself”

 

“Jeongguk-”

 

_ There’s nothing wrong with you, it was all my fault, you deserved to be happy _ . He wanted to say but Jeongguk raised his hand to cut him off. Taehyung nodded, understanding it was now Jeongguk’s turn to let it all out, all that he had been storing inside him.

 

“The more I tried to hate you, the more reasons I found to hate me. You were so special to me hyung that I wondered what could I have done to upset you to the point that you will cheat on me. I realised then that I wasn’t good enough for someone like you. And you wanted to make me live my student life without thinking about you? Well let me tell you that I spent all those years trying to become the person I thought you would want to have by your side. I wanted to be better. I ended up doing a lot of things I now regret in order to achieve that perfection that doesn’t exist. I did so many things but it was never enough, I was never good enough, I was ashamed of myself, and of what I had become to be back with you”

 

Taehyung felt tears sting at the back of his eyes but he held them back. Everything was his fault. He had hoped that if he hurt himself then Jeongguk would be happy but he ended up fucking two different lives at the same time.  _ Great fucking job _ . He didn’t deserve Jeongguk, he never did, but now that he can get an idea of what the other boy had lived during his absence, he wanted turned around and run, run away like he always did, and stop making everyone around him suffer. He felt miserable. But he kept his stare strong in Jeongguk’s eyes and listened to all the truth even he knew this, would haunt him at night. Well, it was what he deserved right?

 

“And then, when I started to live by myself without depending on other people’s opinions, when I started to get over you, when you stopped being the first thing I thought when I woke up and the last when I got into bed, you- you show up out of the blue and make my life a mess again” There a stream of tears on Jeongguk’s face, damping his cheeks in a way he preferred not to be engraved on his mind, but it will. This was he had done to Jeongguk, and he will bear with the consequences.

 

“I’m really sorry Jeongguk” It was stupid he know, sounding like a broken record but he really was, and he couldn’t come up with anything else to comfort the younger. There was a time when the younger used to lean on him, in every aspect, and Taehyung would wash all the pain away with sweet words, and soft touches, but he didn’t have that right anymore. He lost that right the same day he broke Jeongguk’s heart and stepped on it like a rug.

 

They remain silent for what it felt like an hour and Taehyung had give up all hope on becoming friends ever again, he couldn’t bring himself to get back in Jeongguk’s life after everything he had done, he couldn’t forgive himself. But he was going to make the most of this one last time, so he sat on Jeongguk’s side, reaching his hand to touch Jeongguk’s shoulder slowly, carefully, afraid of the younger’s boy reaction. He flinched at the sudden touch but when he didn’t move away from it Taehyung breathed, drawing small circles on the bare skin of his shoulder.

 

“You are worth it Jeongguk. You are the best person I’ve ever met, handsome, funny, talented god everyone that had the chance to know you knows that. But never think any less of yourself”

 

There was a shade of pink showing on Jeongguk’s ears and Taehyung forced back a smile and ignored it, there were more important things to focus on that a flustered Jeongguk “I try but it’s hard Taehyung”

 

Taehyung wished Jeongguk didn’t notice the way his heart skipped a beat, or several, at the simple sound of his name on his lips.

 

They stood both in silent, for once, it was not an uncomfortable one, this was the closest thing to be comfortable around each other since four years ago, and yeah Taehyung wished that didn’t included a crying Jeongguk by his side, but for once he had hope, for what he didn’t know, but he had so much hope right now it made his chest full.

 

“What now?” Jeongguk asked, looking up at the older boy, the way he looked at him seemed so fondly, caring, it made his face features look softer, the resemblance of the Jeongguk he knew, the oh so sweet and innocent Jeongguk he remembered. The one that hides under the strong and cocky Jeongguk of the present. Maybe it was like that now. Not one or another, but a mixture both. He made him that way, he made him wear his insecurities on his skin like a shield, so he wouldn’t get hurt, again.

 

“What do you mean by what now?”

 

“I mean, what are we now?” Jeongguk stared at him with open almond eyes, and Taehyung for once felt naked under his eyes, as if they could strip his skin and look at his heart.

 

_ Oh. OH _ .

 

There were so many things Taehyung had imagine after this moment, but he never thought about what would happen between them. What difference did this confession between their relationship. Did they become friends again just like that? Taehyung completely disagrees.

 

“F-friends?” Taehyung stuttered, he tried to sound convincing but how he would sound that way when he couldn’t even believe it himself?

 

“Is that what you want?”

 

“Is that what you want?” Taehyung echoed, as much as he kinda knew what he wanted, only Jeongguk had the right to decide right now, he had inflicted too much pain already to be the one putting labels between them.

 

“I asked first”

 

“Well yes, no? I don’t know Jeongguk. I never thought I could even be your friend ever again, so less something  _ else _ ” He rubbed the back of his head, cheeks flushed a dark red, oh god why he sound so pathetic, “you know.”

 

“Enlighten me hyung” Jeongguk smirked.

 

“I mean, something more than friends, god why do you even make me say that when it’s not gonna happen” Taehyung whined covering his eyes in embarrassment.

 

Jeongguk laughed, he laughed, not a fake one but real, Taehyung had wondered if he would be able to hear that beautiful sound once again before he died, it seemed that today was his lucky day. He smile at the sight of Jeongguk smile without caring how he looked like an idiot just know.

 

“I mean, I don’t want to be your friend again hyung”

 

His smile disappeared just as fast at the younger’s words, he had prepared himself to hear them, he even repeated them to sleep like a mantra at nights, but nothing had prepared him for the stinging pain on his chest. To the breath knocked out of his lungs with a sentence as simple as that one.

 

“I get it” What else can he say? Is there anything he could say to change Jeongguk’s opinion? He spoke out all his thoughts already, there was nothing else to say, was it?

 

“No you don’t idiot, I mean. Don’t believe that you can come back, four years later with an apology and win me back just like that. You said I am worth it. Then prove it. Prove how much are you willing to show me how worth it I am”

 

For once, the tears on Taehyung eyes are happy ones. He couldn’t describe his feelings right now, there was no way he could put all his emotions into words. There were too many. It was overwhelming, he wanted to scream, to jump and embrace Jeongguk in his arms. He wanted to show him how much he wanted him right now, how much he had always wanted him, how he never stopped wanting him by his side. But he decided to force all those emotions back from now, he will take it slow, Jeongguk would set the pace, he’s the one who has the right to do so. And he will wait, it doesn’t matter if the wait is of two days, two years or even a lifetime, Jeongguk is worth it. He sure is.

 

“Sounds fair, but then we are back at what are we?”

 

“Do we need a label?” Jeongguk inquired, his tone was firm but not rude, just making sure if this, whatever that is, is okay.

 

“I don’t think so, but the others...”

 

“They don’t need to know about us yet”

 

_ us _ .

 

Us. Taehyung couldn’t imagine why just a word could sent bolts of electricity all over his body. Us. That was all he needed to hear right now. A word that carried all the meaning he was looking for, a chance, a chance that he knew he didn’t deserve but he was willing to take and turn into reality. Us.

 

He couldn’t help but smile, genuinely smile, for once real. He was answered with Jeongguk’s bunny smile and he felt his heart pound so hard on his chest that it could smash his ribs until they broke.

 

Taehyung nodded and held Jeongguk’s hand, he remembered it softer but it didn’t matter, he knew he was lucky enough to be able to hold it once again, his thumb caressing the skin softly.

 

“Anything you want  _ Gguk _ ”

 

And that time it wasn’t his own heart who skipped a beat inside his chest, but Jeongguk’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg guys im really sorry for the biggest delay everl, but so many things happened I couldn't find time to write this chapter and also I bought a new computer and I lost the previous works so It was a hell for me to rewrite everything for this chapter but weel I hope it's worth it??? I'm kinda happy with the way it turned out and omg again i'm so so sorry but anyway tell me what you think of this one I didn't check for any mistakes because i wanted to post it as soon as possible


	5. Chapter 5

Taehyung and Jeongguk are good at pretending. Pretending that they bump into each other accidentally and definitely not to brush their hands together for the briefest of moments. Pretending that they not look into each other’s eyes to share knowing stares whenever the rest of the boys seem too distracted to notice. But they are not good at pretending they are still the same. They tried, really, but it was just too obvious that something had happened between them when they are around their best friends. They don’t talk much when they are not alone but they don’t fight either, and that make it too obvious.

 

The rest of the boys knew something happened, they didn’t share their thoughts out loud but they knew.

 

“Thank you” Taehyung smiled shyly when Jeongguk moved the bowl of popcorn closer to him so he could have some when they are watching a film all together.

 

Jimin raised his eyebrow questiongly when Taehyung made himself comfortable in the spot next to the older boy.

 

Taehyung just shrugged as if he didn’t know why Jimin was looking at him. The other boy shot him a suspicious look and mouthed _we have to talk_ , which made Taehyung shift uncomfortably in his position.

 

When the movie was over Jimin was the first one to get up, picking up empty cups and bowls, “Tae help me out please” he beckoned the younger boy to follow him to the kitchen and Taehyung did, shoulders tense.

 

“So,” Jimin smirked when they were alone, “you gonna tell me or?”

 

“About what?”

 

“Oh don’t play fool with me kid, we both know about what”

 

Taehyung blushed and he cursed at himself for giving himself away just as easy, it was all Jimin needed.

 

“I knew it” Jimin whispered in a shout, squealing hushly as he punched Taehyung’s shoulder playfully.

 

“I just told him the truth nothing more” Taehyung rolled his eyes, half hoping that Jimin stopped there, but it was Jimin who he was talking to, of course he wouldn’t.

 

“And how was it? Did you made up? Oh my god give me all the details, nasty ones too, you know I love those” He sounded so cheerful, eyes bright and excitement all over his face.

 

“I just told him, nothing more” There was a lot more, but he agreed to Jeongguk that that part was better to explain whenever they found out what they are gonna do. If he told Jimin, even though it was his best friend and he was craving to tell him, it wasn’t fair doing it without consulting Jeongguk. He wanted to built whatever they have with trust, so he better not tell him.

 

“Oh” The disappointment on Jimin’s face was crystal clear, his smile faded and he looked more concerned now, “are you okay?” he placed his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder, ready to comfort him if he needed it, but he didn’t.

 

“Yeah, yeah” Taehyung calmed him, he stole a quick glance towards Jeongguk who was still sitting on the same place next to Namjoon focused on what it seem to a deep conversation with the older. He couldn’t help but smile a little when he did, “At least I know he doesn’t hate me anymore, so I’m happy”

 

“That’s good I’m really proud of you Taetae” Jimin patted his back, “look at you all grown up, big boy facing his own problems” He pretended to wipe a tear away, and Taehyung laughed pushing him away to join the others.

  
  
  
  
  


It was midnight, the house was silent as Taehyung tiptoed his way to the room next door. He opened the door slowly without knocking, walking in Jeongguk’s room. He let out the breath he was holding as he closed the door silently, turning around when he was done to face the younger boy who was sitting legs crossed on the bed.

 

They have done this since the day had talked. It was their only chance to be around each other without rising any suspicion, they just met to talk, to watch some anime or talking about anything and everything. But even though they were not doing anything bad, there was still this feeling of fear of getting caught. It didn’t scared him though, it was somehow exciting, hanging out with Jeongguk in the middle of the night when the rest of the boys were asleep.

 

Taehyung liked it, he really missed the good old times when they used to do this exact same thing before they were together, just meeting without any expectations of something happening. Just to be together.

 

“Hi” Jeongguk whispered, patting the empty spot beside him.

 

“Hey” Taehyung answered as he sat down right beside the younger boy, close but not enough to touch him.

 

That was the difference, there was not physical contact, not even a small touch they respected each other’s personal space to the point they apologise when they did without intention. It was funny how that changed whenever they are around the rest of the boys. Those smooth hand touches that there were just a reminder that everything is okay, that they are okay, that they are still there for each other even though they didn’t exchange words. Yeah it was funny that now, that no one was looking at them they were unable to something as simple as that. But then, Taehyung realised, there was no need of reassurance when they were just the two of them.

 

Still, it didn’t mean that Taehyung was craving for it. He was a really clingy person, anyone who knew him, knew that, and Jeongguk knew that too. So yeah, Taehyung knew it was because he wasn’t ready so he didn’t push him either. Jeongguk’s pace, he had promised not to rush things, not to make the other boy do things he didn’t want.

 

Today wasn’t different, Taehyung spent nearly two hours listening to Jeongguk’s ranting. About university, about his teachers and some of the essays he had to handle just the day before they arrive here so he could spend his holidays free of work. Even though he had graduated there were some teachers that wanted additional work to give a higher grade, and Jeongguk needed higher grades to apply for the scholarship. Taehyung listened to him non stop, until he yawned, don’t get him wrong, he was not getting bored, he really loved to listen to Jeongguk, it doesn’t matter what he talked about he was eager to listen to the raven haired boy. It was just that he was tired, not being able to sleep his so needed ten hours because he spent half of the nights with Jeongguk, and the other half not able to half asleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about Jeongguk, but the younger boy didn’t need to know that.

 

“Sorry I’m boring you” Jeongguk smiled shyly, rubbing the back of his head.

 

“No, no,” Taehyung raised his hands in front of him, “It’s just that I’m tired Jeongguk, it’s not your fault don’t worry”

 

“Oh, then you should go to sleep hyung I’m keeping you up just to rant about myself”

 

“Don’t worry,” he smiled, his eyes turning into crescents, something that made him look so much younger, so much innocent, “but yeah, I guess I should get going”

 

“I think so”

 

But Taehyung didn’t move, and neither did Jeongguk, they just stare into each other’s eyes for longer than it should be socially accepted. Taehyung stared at him, and breathed in the details of Jeongguk’s face, his toned smooth skin, the scar on his cheek, and oh his lips, the plump lower lip, the cherry colour, the way he parted them, everything, every part of them made so appealing, so inviting, he just needed to lean on and their lips would collide. He. Just. Needed. To. Stop. He blinked his thoughts away, staring back at Jeongguk, who averted his gaze quickly. His mouth suddenly felt dry like a dessert, he wanted to swallow to collect himself but there was nothing to swallow. He could swear there was a faint shade of pink on Jeongguk’s ears, and he smiled to himself before realising that maybe that was too much for Jeongguk, as much as it was for him.

He looked away and got up, ready to leave before things become too awkward but Jeongguk got up and grabbed his wrist, a sudden bolt of electricity running through his body. He turned around so he was facing the younger boy now, who was looking at his own feet.

 

“What did you tell Jimin?” He asked, voice soft in a whisper.

 

 _Oh_.

 

“Nothing” Jeongguk looked up at him then, and squinted his eyes, not really believing him but Taehyung spoke again, not letting the other boy make wrong suppositions. “He asked me if we made up, and I told him that I told you the truth and nothing more. He doesn’t know that well, you know, we are trying to...” He didn’t finish his sentence, embarrassed to speak out their agreement, to shy. But there was this warming feeling about it, about knowing that  the other boy had been thinking about it, about _him_.

 

“Oh” There was the ghost of a smile on Jeongguk’s lips but he tried to keep his face blank, unreadable.

 

“Yeah, you told me it was better if they don’t know so I didn’t tell him, at least without asking for your permission” Taehyung spoke in a hushed voice, but he didn’t look at Jeongguk, instead his gaze focused on the grip on his wrist, Jeongguk didn’t let him go, and seemed not to have any intention in doing so just yet.

 

“Thank you hyung”

 

“You are welcome” He smiled, “But just so you know, Jimin probably knows there’s something more. And if he does, then the same goes for the rest. Well it’s obvious if you stopped acting like a total asshole in the span of a day you know” He didn’t intended to sound petty, but he did.

 

“Do you want me to act like that again hyung?” Jeongguk didn’t sound angry, there was this thing about his voice that made it sound more like the opposite, teasingly even.

 

“Please don’t” Taehyung whined, “I like you way more like this”

 

“Yeah?” Jeongguk smirked, taking a step forward, and Taehyung took another backwards, too nervous to have Jeongguk so close.

 

“Y-yeah” Taehyung nodded, he could feel the warmness of his cheeks that probably showed how flustered he was just by having Jeongguk in front of him.

 

“You are so cute Tae” Jeongguk breathed, making Taehyung shiver at the low tone of his voice, “so so cute I could kiss you right now”

 

Taehyung’s eyes widened, and he bit his lips in anticipation but Jeongguk didn’t move. He wanted to scream, to pull Jeongguk closer so he could finally have a taste of the younger’s lips once again.

 

 _Please. Please. Please_.

 

“N-nothing stops you” He failed to sound composed, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to let Jeongguk know that he wanted it. God _want_ is such a meaningless word for the feeling inside his chest. He needed. He really did.

 

Jeongguk smiled pleased and leaned on.

 

 _Oh god. Oh god. Oh god_.

 

Unconsciously, Taehyung closed his eyes and parted his lips and waited. He waited for Jeongguk to crush their lips together in the most needy way possible. He found it difficult to breath, to focus, his lower lip trembled and his hands started to sweat, it felt gross.

 

He waited but nothing happened, he opened his eyes to find Jeongguk just a few inches away, the tip of his nose barely touching him, tasting the waters but not really. His body didn’t seem to have any intention in moving forward, so Taehyung didn’t either. He feel so embarrassed, realising that the younger boy had been staring at his face this whole time, oh god he felt like an idiot, his cheeks red like a tomato, he wished he could do something about it, anything but stare at Jeongguk’s doe eyes, at the knowing smirk on his lips. Such a tease.

 

“Taehyung” Jeongguk breathed against his mouth, puffs of air hitting his dry lips, “I told you, if you want me, you need to win me, you won’t get it so easily hyung” Jeongguk was so close that he swear he could feel his lips brushing against his own, he screamed internally, his breath hitching.

 

And just like that Jeongguk let him go, his hand falling numbly at his side, and left Taehyung stare at him dumbfounded, unable to move.

 

“Goodnight hyung” He winked.

 

 _He fucking winked_.

 

It was his cue to go before he could embarrass himself more than he already did. When did Jeongguk become so bold? Such a tease. Taehyung would be lying if he said he was kinda into it, feeling teased by someone he was so used to tease long time ago. How the tables had turned he thought as he stepped out of the room muttering a _Night Gguk_ before he closed the door.

 

When he was safe on the darkness of his room he allowed himself to squeal against the pillow, kicking his foot on the mattress like a kid in a tantrum. He turned around and stared at the ceiling, the smell of Jeongguk lingering all around him, he touched his wrist as if he could still feel Jeongguk’s grip on it. He sighed, his heart pounding hard against his chest. Jeongguk wanted him to show him, and oh if he was already eager to show him, it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now.

 

 _You want to tease me. Two can play this game_.

 

Needless to say, he didn’t fall asleep easily that night.

  
  
  
  


Taehyung’s experience in relationships resume in only Jeongguk, but the good part was that, at least, he knew how to treat the younger boy. Even though the raven haired boy had changed a lot since last time, there are some things that never changed. And Taehyung was more than willing to check if he still could make the younger react the same way as he did when they were together.

 

Now truth to be told, he really wanted to show Jeongguk that he deserved a second chance, that he was worth to be trusted. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to make the younger crave for him.

 

It started off slowly, Taehyung taking more time than usually to get ready, wearing his best clothes, and by best meaning: those who showed more skin than necessary. He didn’t miss the way Jeongguk gaped at him when he walked into the living room with a shirt so loose that one of the strips rolled over his shoulder, revealing his collarbones and nearly his chest. He can also have a little fun right? There was nothing bad about it.

 

While Jeongguk enjoyed to tease him when they were alone in his room, Taehyung liked more the way he could tease the younger right in front of everyone so he could do nothing about it. Whenever he knew Jeongguk’s eyes were on him he tried to act cool, sometimes winking at him, sometimes stretching out his arms enough for his shirt to lift over his belly, showing off the vline that was at full display, maybe and just maybe because Taehyung had decided to pull his shorts slowler, it was for science.

 

The good thing was that it worked. Jeongguk’s eyes were on him more than usual, he even caught Jeongguk staring at him licking his lower lip unconsciously, and oh god he wished that tongue was on him. The bad thing was that it backfired. If Taehyung had decided to show off his skin, then Jeongguk would decide that it was too hot in the room for wearing a shirt. If Taehyung had winked at him, then Jeongguk would do it twice. It didn’t matter what he tried to do, Jeongguk would always do more. It was starting to get on his nerves, it was frustrating, why he didn’t come and kiss him right there and then if he wanted it too. Something clicked in Taehyung’s mind then, it was just as simple as that. God why is he so dense.

 

 _Just do it_.

 

Jimin always said that his ideas were the worst, but well he couldn’t tell Jimin, could he? He was on his own now. So definitely he was going to do it. Without a second thought Taehyung ripped a paper from a notebook that was on the kitchen aisle and, after checking that there was no one looking at him, he started to write down.

 

When he was done writing he folded the paper and wrote _Gguk_ with a heart next to the name. He turned on his seat and stared at Jeongguk until the younger boy noticed the weight of his eyes on him. Taehyung smirked and flipped the folded paper on his fingers.

 

“Jimin-ah” Taehyung raised his voice, “can you give me a ride to the store? I’m really craving for ice cream, and there’s none left pleeease” He puted and blinked his eyes repeatedly until the older boy sighed and got up.

 

“Okay but you buy me one too”

 

“Anything for the bestest hyung out there” He jumped from his chair, following his hyung out of the house and taking one last glance to Jeongguk, he smiled charmingly at the younger boy and dropped the paper on the floor, knowing that as soon as he stepped out on the porch the other boy would pick it up.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I thought you just wanted ice cream” Jimin complained when he saw Taehyung walking inside the car with a bag full of groceries, one ice cream on his hand and another already on Jimin’s.

 

“Yeah” He lied, “But I also remember that i’m too lazy to walk into the kitchen at night to steal some snacks so I just bought them to store them in my room” He prayed Jimin didn’t notice there was not only food inside the bags.

 

He hold on the sigh he was about to let out, when the other boy just shrugged and bit his lemon flavored ice cream, “You are weird”

 

“Bold of you to say when you bite your ice cream, do people like you deserve rights? I don’t think so” Taehyung said, pointing his own ice cream accusatively towards Jimin.

 

“No rights, no car you choose kid”

 

“You're no fun hyung”

  
  
  


Taehyung was getting ready when heard a soft knock on the door, he took one last glance at himself in front of the mirror, straightening his loose white shirt for the nth time that night, and running his fingers through his hair so it was pushed backwards, before heading to the door. He breathed one last time and opened it carefully, peering to check that it was in fact Jeongguk who was at the other side.

 

He smiled widely when he saw the other boy, waiting for him at the other side, he moved away so Jeongguk could walk into his room.

 

“Did you dress up for me hyung?” Jeongguk pointed out, checking Taehyung out blatantly, it didn’t made Taehyung flush a dark shade of pink on his face, it definitely didn’t.

 

“I just wanted to look good, is that a crime?” There was no point lying.

 

“So what’s the plan?” Jeongguk asked, sitting on Taehyung’s bed while he unwrapped the paper between his hands. Taehyung thought he was shaking a little but he made no comment about it. “You only said to come here around 12:30”

 

“You’ll see”

 

“Why are you being so cryptic hyung?” Jeongguk grunted, looking around to see the elder’s room, it wasn’t like his own, neat and clean, it was untidy with bags scattered here and there and a pair of socks that should be on the washing machine but they were at the end of the bed, probably because Taehyung had taken them off while sleeping and didn’t bother to put them with the laundry. But it was so much like Taehyung, you could see the personality of a person just by checking out their room, and yeah it made Jeongguk’s heart warm at the cosiness and familiarity of every detail in that room. Memories flooding at the back of his head.

 

“It’s fun, you don’t get it” No Jeongguk wouldn’t get it, and Taehyung wouldn’t explain it to him, he just enjoyed the way Jeongguk’s eyes widen and lighten up whenever he was surprised, he resembled a deer caught in the headlights, and it was so so cute. Taehyung loved it.

 

“O-okay” Jeongguk stuttered, and waited till Taehyung picked up his backpack and followed him.

 

When Taehyung opened the door he peered around to check if the place was empty and placed his index finger between his lips to tell Jeongguk to be quiet. They tiptoed their way out, Taehyung cursing silently when the wooden stairs cracked under his feet.

 

Once they were safe in the darkness of the night Taehyung allowed himself to snicker at Jeongguk who was still holding his shoulder so he wouldn’t trip over. They walked in silence and it felt so good, the only noise coming from the waves hitting the sand on the beach. It was a little brisky but the fresh salty air felt so good against his skin, it was a hot summer night, the sky clear allowed the stars to shine as bright as possible.

 

Taehyung didn’t have any place in mind, so he wandered around, following the line of the sea until they were far enough from Namjoon’s house. He stopped all of a sudden, making Jeongguk bump on his back.

 

“Here?” Jeongguk asked, he could barely see his face in the darkness, but the light of the moon shined over them and it was enough to fell in love with the sight, with the lights and shadows of Jeongguk’s features. It was a breathtaking view, literally, because Taehyung forgot to breathe when he stared at the younger’s confused eyes.

 

“Here” Taehyung beckoned at the sand under their feet, “wait, close your eyes” he rushed his words and Jeongguk couldn’t help but laugh at him, he complied and Taehyung didn’t wait a second. He dropped his bag on the floor at took out all the stuff he had brought. He placed a towel over the sand and kneeled on it, placing fresh strawberries on a plastic plate and a can of whipped cream —not the fanciest thing but he didn’t have another option— two bottles of soju and _fuck_ he forgot to buy cups, well the bottles will do.

 

When more or less it was all ready he made room for a single candle on the middle of the towel, he lighted it up with a match and it was all done, “You can open your eyes now” Taehyung smiled.

 

Jeongguk opened his eyes and registered the scene in front of him, Taehyung sitting on the towel with food and drinks scattered on the towel, he smiled too. “Isn’t it too late for a picnic?” He asked the older buy while joining him on the towel, in front of him, not really knowing where he should sit.

 

“Is there an stipulated time to do so?”

 

Jeongguk shrugged because, if it was, he didn’t care at all.

 

They sat in silence until Taehyung picked up an strawberry and ate it, giving the cue that they could start eating and Jeongguk was quick to follow. They ate in silence for what it felt like hours, Taehyung feeling suddenly nervous at the lack of ability to start a conversation. There was a knot forming on his throat and he found it difficult to swallow.

 

“So,” Jeongguk started, “is this a date?”

 

 _I don’t know_.

 

_Is it?_

 

Taehyung hadn’t thought about the word date when this idea popped on his mind. He didn’t have any experience in relationships, his single one having ended too long ago, for yours ago to be accurate.

 

“It’s whatever you want it to be” Taehyung said without hesitating, if Jeongguk wanted to call it a date, then is settled.

 

“Well, it’s not the fanciest date I’ve ever been, but I guess I can call it that way” Jeongguk said, but Taehyung’s heart clenched at the confession he read between the lines.

 

So Jeongguk have been on dates, well it’s not like he wasn’t allowed to, but it didn’t calmed the pang of jealousy arising inside his chest. Of course he had dated other people, it’s been four years, he had been too naive to assume that Jeongguk didn’t move on while he was still stuck on the past. Taehyung had tried, and Jimin too, dragging him to spend long nights in crowded clubs with cheap alcohol and meaningless kisses that ended up with Taehyung crying on Jimin’s shoulder because he didn’t feel anything at all.

 

Taehyung suddenly felt self conscious, if only he had thought about it he would have done it better. He would take Jeongguk to the best place in town, bring him flowers, dress properly, god there were so many things he could have done better, he felt embarrassed and it showed. Jeongguk probably noticed the way he gulped at his own thoughts, his fingers playing together nervously, he wanted to take back his words and tell Jeongguk that this was, in fact, not a date.

 

“Hey,” Jeongguk shifted his position, and moved closer, moving aside the plate so he could settle right beside the older boy, “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s true that I’ve been to first dates in more expensive places than this, but this is just perfect. I love it Taehyung, I love it because this is so like you, rushed, improvised, and meaningful” He smiled and oh god it made Taehyung’s insides turn into real mush.

 

“Sorry, I just wanted to be alone with you outside” Taehyung confessed, and looked down at his hands.

 

Jeongguk placed his index finger under Taehyung’s chin and lifted his face up to meet his gaze. Jeongguk’s eyes were shining so much he swear he could see the stars in them. “it’s okay hyung, I told you it’s perfect” He could tell that the younger boy meant it, his tone was reassuring and Taehyung fighted back the need to lean on his touch, to close his eyes and feel Jeongguk’s touch on his skin.

 

“Thank you” Taehyung didn’t know what else to say.

 

“No worries.” Jeongguk shot him a comforting smile and leaned back, Taehyung wanted to pull him closer again but he let the other boy move away, hands behind his back and head tilted to see the starry night above them, “So, how have you been?”

 

Taehyung was taken aback by the sudden question, what did that even mean? How have he been? Today? Yesterday? The past months? The past years?

 

Jeongguk noticed the confusion on his face because he kept on talking before letting Taehyung answer, “I mean, you already know more or less what I’ve been doing, you always listen to me. I want to listen to you _Tae_ ”

 

_Where do I start?_

 

“There’s no much about it” But Jeongguk was looking at him as if he was going to tell the most interesting story on Earth, so he tried his best to pick up the best anecdotes and leave out his darkest times, spent locked in his room without having enough strength to go out because everything reminds him of how he had fucked things up, the tears, the pain, the loneliness, Jeongguk didn’t need to know about that.

 

He ended up talking about university, just like the younger, and his future plans, or better worded, his non existent future plans, “After graduating I looked for a job on the local theater, I did many auditions for many roles but it seemed that my acting skills are not good enough so after sending my video auditions to different places all over the country and, not having any response back, I gave up” It felt worse to say it out loud, he suddenly felt useless, a failure but he had grown used to it.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that”

 

“Nah it’s okay, maybe it wasn’t the best choice to do performing arts. I ended up with a part time job at a fast food restaurant, I hate it, but it pays the bills so for now I don’t know what to do with my life”

 

“Well it’s not that you have to decide now you know, I don’t even know it myself either, we still have time” He sounded optimistic, and Taehyung kinda hated himself for being so self-defeating, but he couldn’t help losing all the hope already. The more, after not receiving an answer for a specific play in Seoul, he didn’t tell anyone about it, too afraid to let everyone down again, his parents, his friends…

 

“Yeah I guess so”

 

They fell silent after that, he guessed there was nothing to add after that so he didn’t talk more. It was a comfortable silence, both of them sitting together looking at the stars, half empty bottles of soju beside them. Maybe it was the alcohol that started hitting him, or maybe it was the warmness emanating from Jeongguk’s body that made him feel light-headed. Either way he enjoyed it.

 

“Close your eyes”

 

“What?” Taehyung stared sideways at the younger boy, he could tell the other boy was slightly tipsy too, his eyes shiny and his nose with a shade of pink.

 

“Do it, and open your mouth too”

 

_What?_

 

“O-okay” Taehyung mumbled and did as he was told. He stood there with his eyes closed and mouth opened for a minute, he could feel the other’s heavy stare on him, and maybe he was just making fun of him, and who could blame him? He sure looked like an idiot and—

 

“JUNFGHUK WHAFT FIUCK” Taehyung choked, swallowing the insane amount of whipped cream he poured on Taehyung’s open mouth. He coughed and Jeongguk burst into loud chuckles, clutching his own body as he bend over himself. “It’s not funny,” he hit the younger boy in the shoulder but he didn’t stop laughing, “I could have died! See it’s not a good way of dying _Man chokes on whipped cream and dies on the beach_ ”

 

“But your face? Totally worth it” Jeongguk chuckled one last time before falling silent again.

 

“You are a brat” Taehyung scuffed, lips turning into a pout.

 

Jeongguk stared at him, his gaze travelled from his eyes to his lips and probably didn’t miss the way he swallowed his nervousness away. “There’s some left” Jeongguk reached his hand to the corner of Taehyung’s lips, wiping the cream away with his thumb. He placed his thumb in front of his lips and Taehyung didn’t waste a second to bring it into his mouth, liking the cream from his finger without breaking eye contact.

 

Jeongguk’s eyes darken at the sight of it, and Taehyung could tell that his eyes did the same, because he could see the red on Jeongguk’s ears that nothing had to do with the alcohol on his system. He was too fast to take his finger out of his mouth, or maybe felt it didn’t last long enough because he was enjoying it more than it should. But Jeongguk brought his own finger inside his mouth and licked the remaining cream, just like he did with his eyes still on him. And that was a sight he was sure it was too obscene to look at without having dirty thoughts. Jeongguk’s lips looked so thick and appealing around his finger, his gaze dark and piercing, god he would kill to feel his lips around his—

 

 _No, Taehyung, this is not the time_.

 

Jeongguk sure had felt the same way because he turned around, and checked the time on his phone, “I-I think we should go, it’s kinda late already” He didn’t miss the way his voice stuttered.

 

“Yeah we should” Taehyung sound so far gone that maybe it wasn’t even himself who was talking.

 

_Wait._

 

_No._

 

_No. No. No._

 

_I still didn’t do it._

 

_Don’t go._

 

But Jeongguk was already up, picking up their stuff and putting it in a plastic bag. Taehyung cursed himself for throwing away his best chance till today of making a move. He helped Jeongguk and put everything inside his backpack, though this time it was the raven haired boy who carried it. And as he did when they came here, he lead the way with a silent Jeongguk at his heels.

 

This time the silence was neither comfortable, nor uncomfortable. It could be described as, foreign, heavy, different. Taehyung didn’t know how to describe it. He couldn’t tell either if he was glad that any of them made a comment on what had happened, or unsettled because he really need to tell Jeongguk something, anything.

 

They soon reached Namjoon’s porch and Taehyung tried to make up any excuse so he could stay longer with him, he needed a little more time. But nothing came to his mind, too clouded with thoughts of Jeongguk, of his lips and his eyes. He shivered and found it difficult to breathe when the other boy was just standing facing the sea. The contrast of the moonlight on him made his body proportions stand out more, he was carved like a greek god, and Taehyung could spent the rest of his life studying it.

 

“A-are you coming?” Taehyung asked when he saw that Jeongguk didn’t make any sign to move.

 

“I think I just gonna stay a here a little bit longer, you can go first” His voice was flat but not rude so Taehyung tried not to sound too disappointed when he answered.

 

“Okay see you tomorrow then” He whispered while the other boy just hummed in response.

 

_Did I do anything wrong?_

 

“Wait hyung” Jeongguk raised his voice before Taehyung was able to reach the door, turning around as fast as lightning, blood boiling.

 

_Yes!_

 

“Your backpack”

 

 _Oh_.

 

He didn’t want to sound disappointed before but the look on his face probably gave him away. He couldn’t fight it, he had been so close, so so close and yet here he was walking back inside without being able to do the first move. It would have been so easy if only Jeongguk helped him a little bit. He just needed a little push, a little sign, a green light that maybe he wanted it to.

 

But, Taehyung stopped hand in door, it felt wrong. It felt wrong to leave Jeongguk like that, to walk away without even a proper goodbye. It felt so wrong. Taehyung felt that if he walked through that door, he would walk away from Jeongguk too, just like the other boy did so long ago. When Taehyung hadn’t stopped him then. Jeongguk wouldn’t stop him now either.

 

He breathed hard and turned around, walking with resolution towards the raven haired boy, dropping his backpack in the way. Jeongguk turned around at the sound of his bag hitting the floor.

 

“Tae wha—”

 

Taehyung didn’t let the other boy finish his question before he launched himself over him, lips crushing together, with so much strength that Jeongguk stumbled backwards, taking a few steps back before taking another forward, circling Taehyung’s waist with his arms to pull him closer.

 

Just like their previous first kiss, it didn’t bring fireworks on Taehyung’s mind, but the sense of belonging, the familiar taste of Jeongguk’s lips washing away the flavour of the alcohol. He was drunk now, but with the taste of Jeongguk, not like vanilla, not like strawberries and cream or soju, but just like Jeongguk, wet and warm.

 

He didn’t deepen the kiss even though the way Jeongguk wrapped his arms around him, and his fingers digged on the flesh of his back, told him he was eager too. He just wanted to feel Jeongguk’s lips once again, the softness of the hair on his nape under his fingertips.

 

Taehyung felt a single tear roll down his cheek and he had to pull away before Jeongguk noticed. Reluctantly the raven haired boy let him go, cheeks flushed red and lips parted wanting more. His blood was rushing, his heart pounding against his chest so loudly he bet Jeongguk could hear it too. He breathed once again and stared at Jeongguk one last time, muttering a “Goodnight” before leaving.

 

Jeongguk replied the same and stared at Taehyung as he left him alone, bringing his fingers to his lips so if that helped him realise that it had happened, it had been real. It felt good. It felt so so good.

 

Taehyung did the same as he rushed upstairs, holding his breath and trying not to be too loud as he made his way to his room. He wanted to arrive there, throw himself on the bed and scream and squeal into the pillow like a teenager. He was so excited and too focused on not making any noise that he didn’t notice the small frame seated on the kitchen aisle, staring at him as he reached the top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo i promised a fast update and i think i did it hahaha, sorry for any grammar mistakes and mostly typos that i hate them as much as they seem to love me ugh
> 
> all the feedback is highly appreciated!!
> 
> hope you like it <3


	6. Chapter 6

Their second kiss was nothing like the first one. The morning after the improvised date Jeongguk closed himself up once again, building up the wall Taehyung so much hoped to break down, but it seemed that he was the one placing the stones one by one. He didn’t get it, not really. 

 

It was a peaceful evening, even though the sun was starting to set, the heat was still too strong to stay outside the pool. They were all playing the water, Taehyung carrying Jimin on his shoulders fighting Yoongi, who was himself in the same position over Hoseok, trying to push each other on the fresh water, while Namjoon and Jin stared at the from the corner, laughing when Jimin dodged Yoongi and resulted on the older boys falling forward.

 

Jimin giggled and told Taehyung to move faster to the side so they couldn’t reach them for the revenge. Taehyung complied, and moved as fast as he could but Yoongi was faster, gripping his leg under the water and pulling him down without much effort.

 

Jimin shrieked as his face hit the water and all the boys bursted into loud laughter, all except from Jeongguk. The youngest was laying on a lounge, his eyes closed as he sunbathed, oblivious of anything happening around him.

 

Taehyung emerged from the water and rubbed his eyes before allowing himself to take a minute to check on the raven haired boy. He looked peaceful, the sunlight and the cream making his skin glow. He had been laying on that lounge all day, only moving to add more cream and turning around, just like now. Jeongguk didn’t spare him a glance he opened his eyes and turned around so his back was facing him. Taehyung swallowed dry at the sight of his muscles and godly thighs moving to find a comfortable position.

 

He shrieked when someone splashed water on his face, he didn’t need to turn around to know it was Jimin waking up from his reverie, he jumped on his back and clinged to him like a koala, legs around him, “Keep it low, you are drooling” Jimin whispered to his ear and Taehyung thanked that the cool water kept his temperature low because his cheeks were definitely burning.

 

“I-I wasn’t hyung” 

 

“Sure thing” he smirked, jumping off the younger to swim around him like a shark ready to attack his prey.

 

Taehyung rolled his eyes and splashed the water all over Jimin, trying to stop him and ending in a water splash contest that have both boys panting for air after a couple of minutes.

 

“God I’m becoming a raisin” He heard Yoongi complain at his back.

 

“Nah, you are just becoming an old grandpa. Water is just showing your real form” Jimin giggled, ready to swim away from the older boy before he could reach him. He pulled himself up on the edge of the pool and sat there.

 

“You didn’t thought that yesterday when I was-”

 

“Oh my god shut up hyung” Jimin cutted him before he could finish, covering his mouth with his mouth and Taehyung was glad not to hear any more of the details.

 

Yoongi was smiling widely at Jimin’s flustered face, his eyes shining as if they held the stars. Taehyung felt a heat of jealousy coil on his stomach. They look so good together, acting freely, stuck on their own bubble. He wondered how it would look if Jeongguk and him were them. He wished he could have that careless freedom instead of hiding his feelings. He was happy that at least they could.

 

Taehyung pulled himself out of the pool and walked on the edge towards his towel, drying his hair first, wet locks falling over his eyes, his hair was starting to grow longer so he had to push it back to be comfortable and see properly. He should change his trunks because they were dripping wet but he spread it on the floor instead and sat there, glancing around at their friends antics, just taking a moment to himself under the dusky sky. Jin saw him sitting alone and didn’t waste a second to join him.

 

“You okay kid?” He sounded concerned.

 

Taehyung nodded and patted the free spot on his towel to his older friend to sit.

 

“You seem absent these days” Jin started, “if it’s because of what happened during the drinking game I-”

 

“Don’t” Taehyung stopped him, he didn’t intend to sound rude, but there was no point in bringing that back when he himself have forgotten it already, he was not a resentful person, and he didn’t want anyone to believe he was, “there’s nothing to apologise for again hyung, it’s really okay” His smile was warm, and true, and Jin gave him an understanding nod.

 

“If there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m alway here Taehyung, I hope you know that”

 

“I know hyung thank you”

  
  
  
  
  
  


This time it was Taehyung and Hoseok who were in charge of the dinner. He laughed to himself when he realised that they only had to put the pizzas on the oven and wait till they were ready. 

 

“They don’t trust us much, do they?” Hoseok grunted, taking the first pizza out, and nearly burning his hand in the process, well now he knows why.

 

“Definitely not” He rushed to get the second one out before Hoseok.

 

Taehyung helped the older boy with the glass cups and the plates, making sure he didn’t drop any of them. He loved his hyung but he was one of the clumsiest person he had ever met, well not more that Namjoon, but he was at another level.

 

They had a couple minutes left before the other two pizza were done and the living room was empty if not for the couple making out heatedly on the couch. Namjoon and Jin went upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes, while they were the only ones still wearing swimsuit.

 

Taehyung sighed and stared at Hoseok who, at the same time was staring at Jimin and Yoongi still on the sofa. Taehyung wondered how he could be so calm, smiling even at the sight of them. It was something he found difficult to understand.

 

“How you can do that?” He spoke his thoughts out loud before he could stop them, the question that he had thinking about for so long.

 

“Do what?” Hoseok turned around, facing the younger boy who was smiling awkwardly, hoping the question wasn’t too uncomfortable for Hoseok to answer.

 

“I mean, you three.” He pointed at the couch, “You all look happy together, and it’s just I think I couldn’t manage to you know”

 

“Oh” Hoseok sounded surprised but not annoyed by the topic and Taehyung could relax for a minute, “It’s just communication and trust”

 

“Huh?”

 

“See you can’t build a relationship without trust, it doesn’t matter if you are two or three or whatever. And in order to trust someone, you have to speak your thoughts, let the other person know your strengths and weakness. We know what we like and what we don’t, and we respect each other’s decisions” Hoseok smiled fondly at Yoongi and Jimin who were still on their own world, probably without noticing they are being observed. “It doesn’t mean it’s a path of roses, there’s always days worse than others. But the most important thing is not to let those days take over the good ones. And I believe the hardships are just as important, if not more, than the easy days. The difficult moments are the ones that made relationships stronger, knowing how to deal with them, how to talk everything out and not letting them consume you”

 

Taehyung nodded, it had been the first serious conversation he had had with his older friend since they had arrived and he believed there was something else about this. About the way Hoseok talk about the difficult times, as if he was speaking more to Taehyung than about themselves.

 

“You seem happy” Taehyung said, he didn’t know what else to add.

 

“I really am”

 

“Thanks for telling me”

 

They both knew that that gratitude has nothing to do with Hoseok telling him about his relationship but about how to be in a relationship.

  
  
  
  
  


“Jeongguk-ah!!” Jin shouted from the living room to the boy who was still outside, although he was now sitting on the edge of the pool, legs moving inside the water, even though it was dark, and the air was getting a bit cold to remain shirtless. “The pizza is getting cold”

 

“Not hungry!” Jeongguk shouted back and remain in the same position.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Yoongi mumbled with his mouth still full of cheese pizza.

 

“No idea,” Jimin shrugged, “he has been off all day, he looks so gloomy I wonder what happened to him” his voice was full of concern.

 

At the last words they all glanced at Taehyung, questioning and accusing stares all over him. He wished he knew what’s wrong with him too.

 

“Don’t look at me like that I’ve done nothing to him” Taehyung complained.

 

“Okay I’m gonna talk with him” Jimin tried to get up but Yoongi grabbed his wrist and pulled him down on his lap again.

 

“I think he just wants to be alone Jiminnie”

 

“Are you telling me to leave my friend alone when he looks so miserable?” Jimin whined, crossing his arms.

 

“That’s exactly what i’m saying”

 

Taehyung couldn’t help but look at the younger boy alone outside, Jimin was right there was this gloomy aura around him, and he fight the urge to walk there and wrap his arms around him.

 

_ Communication. _

 

_ Trust. _

 

Hoseok’s words rumbled inside his head, he couldn’t shut them. 

 

_ There’s nothing that stops me. _

 

Taehyung picked up an empty plate and collected one slice of each pizza and headed outside. No one stopped him in the end, not even Jimin, who was looking at him dumbfounded.

 

The chill air hit him when he stepped out, walking on the porch he regretted not having put at least a shirt before. He placed the plate next to Jeongguk and sat on the other side legs crossed, not wanting to put them inside the water he was fine like that.

 

He didn’t greet Jeongguk but the raven haired boy didn’t either. He kept a reasonable distance between them, and carefully looked inside, catching the rest staring shamelessly at them, and then turning around as if they were not just being caught.

 

“I said I wasn’t hungry”

 

“I heard”

 

“Then why are you here for?”

 

“For you” Taehyung tried to ignore the pang on his chest at the harshness of Jeongguk’s words. 

 

“Why?” Jeongguk sounded tired then, his tone more defeated than annoyed.

 

“Because I care Gguk”

 

The nickname painted a faint smile on Jeongguk’s lips, it was gone fast but not enough for Taehyung to miss it. He peered with the corner of his eyes and realised that the rest of the boys were gone already, probably to give them some privacy for whatever they’d do.

 

“See it’s fun” Jeongguk took a slice of pizza and bit it despite telling the other boy he wasn’t hungry not even a minute ago, he fight the urge to make a sassy remark about it and just let the raven haired boy keep on talking, “I used to believe that you cared, even when we broke up, I tried to convince myself that you still care about me. And now that you are here and you tell me so, I can’t bring myself to believe it”

 

“I’m not lying”

 

“I know but, you know it’s too...”

 

_ Soon? _

  
  


“...overwhelming” Jeongguk averted his gaze, chewing the food loudly.

 

Oh.

 

“Sorry I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything, I shouldn’t have rushed things you already said I had to earn it and I just...”

 

_ Kissed you. _

 

_ Because I wanted it. _

 

_ Because I needed it. _

 

_ Because I think more about myself than about you. _

 

_ And I still don’t regret it. _

 

How to put it into words? How to tell Jeongguk all his thoughts? How to tell him that he had been dreaming of those cherry lips on him over and over again since the day they parted ways.

 

“You didn’t hyung, really,” Jeongguk turned his face towards him and he now could see the dark circles under his eyes, “It’s not that...” he fidget his fingers together, “I feel like this is too good to be true and when things started to get complicated it will be over”

 

Taehyung knew that feeling. The insecurity. The fear of losing Jeongguk crossed his mind and he didn’t know if he was strong enough to deal with that once again. He thought about that time when he was left alone staring at the door, watching his world collapse right in front of his eyes and not able to do anything but stay still, staring at the shattered pieces of his heart. But he’s determined to do something now, he was ready, ready to collect those pieces and put them back together. 

 

_ If only Jeongguk was ready too… _

 

“You know it’s okay to be afraid, I am too” Taehyung didn’t look at Jeongguk, it was easier to voice his thoughts out loud thinking no one could hear them, so he rushed the words out of his mouth without a second thought. “But I don’t want the fear to cloud my mind, it’s okay to be afraid but don’t let the fear consume you because then, it’s when it will be truly over”

 

The silence that followed didn’t concern Taehyung at all, it was calming and Jeongguk was still by his side, it made everything look so much more simple. Just Jeongguk’s presence, his company it was all that mattered to Taehyung. As long as he had Jeongguk by his side he knew things will get easier, better even.

 

“What are you doing?!” Taehyung half screamed when he noticed the younger boy throwing himself on the pool without warning.

 

“Need a bath” Jeongguk mumbled before sinking his body on the water, only half of his face over the surface. The sight was endearing, Jeongguk in front of him looking at him with doe eyes. 

 

“Stop it, you’re gonna drown you idiot” He laughed and splashed water over Jeongguk with his feet, forcing the raven haired boy to emerge his head from the water.

 

Jeongguk then reached his hand out and Taehyung prepared himself to be thrown on the water too but his arm remained on the same place, hand stretching out so he could hold it. Taehyung shot an skeptic look at the younger boy.

 

“Do you trust me?” He asked, voice soft.

 

_ More than myself. _

 

“I do” Taehyung said, holding Jeongguk’s hand tightly even though he knew what would happen then. He breathed hard before falling into the water, his grip strong on Jeongguk. The younger boy pulled him close then, closing the space between them. Taehyung panted for air and let his body get carried by Jeongguk. He welcomed the warmness of the other boy against his skin despite the cold water.

 

“Well, you shouldn’t have” He smiled teasingly, his hands resting on Taehyung’s hips.

 

Taehyung shivered at the sudden touch, Jeongguk probably noticed but he didn’t pull away, just walked an inch closer, “I knew I shouldn’t” Taehyung breathed out, overwhelmed by the proximity. Not even the cold water could stop the warmness of his touch, a bolt of electricity hitting his body in the most addicting way possible.

 

“Then why did you take my hand?” Jeongguk asked, raising his left brow in a way that made Taehyung’s knees weak, if it wasn’t for the water making his body feel lighter and the raven haired boy’s hands holding him tight he sure had stumbled backwards.

 

“Because if I didn’t try I wouldn’t have known if I was right or wrong. Sometimes it’s worth taking the risk” Taehyung pointed out, hoping Jeongguk would take the hint.

 

“It wasn’t worth it, was it hyung?” Jeongguk leaned on him so their foreheads were barely touching, his stare was piercing but Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to look away, lost in the way Jeongguk’s pupils dilated, eyes becoming darker with something he couldn’t quite figure. It was inviting, everything about Jeongguk was, the grip on his hips getting tighter, the water dripping from his bangs but mostly the way he parted his lips and lick them. 

 

“Believe me” Taehyung swallowed, sparing a glance at Jeongguk’s lips —long enough for the other boy to notice and curl up a smile— before looking up and lock their eyes, “it definitely was”

 

Taehyung barely had a chance to breathe before Jeongguk’s lips were on him, he gasped for air and Jeongguk took it as a chance to slide his tongue inside the cavern of Taehyung’s mouth. He didn’t fight back, letting Jeongguk’s guide the kiss, no need to fight for dominance. No, their second kiss was nothing like the first one.

 

The first one had been just a peck, the time slowing down. It had been quick, soft and it made Taehyung felt emotional all of a sudden. This was more like the opposite. It was quick paced, rushed. Jeongguk was eager, forcing Taehyung to walk backwards till his back was pressed to the edge of the pool.

 

But Jeongguk didn’t stop there no, and oh how much Taehyung liked that. There was no space between them but it seemed that it wasn’t enough for Jeongguk, the younger boy moved his hands from Taehyung’s hips to his thighs, grabbing them hard and lifting him up like a feather. Taehyung tied his legs around Jeongguk’s waist without breaking the kiss, he was glad because he felt so weak he couldn’t remain on his feet any longer.

 

Taehyung run his fingers through the black strands of Jeongguk’s wet hair, clinging to him like a lifeline, the only source of support. But it only made Jeongguk press his body closer and  what happened to the oh so sweet and innocent Jeongguk, who was rolling his hips forward against the older boy. Taehyung’s mind was clouded, he couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t process what was happening and he couldn’t bring himself to care either. He was too focused on keeping up with the kiss, wet and messy and addicting, just like Jeongguk.

 

His body was moving on his own, slightly grinding against Jeongguk, he couldn’t forgive himself if he got hard just by a kiss. But everything was too much, too overwhelming, he subconsciously sank his nails on the flesh of Jeongguk’s back, making the younger’s hips buckle forward harder until a soft low moan escaped his own lips.

 

And it was gone. The electricity, the warmness, the pressure on his lips. It was all gone, and Taehyung found it difficult to catch his breath, panting for air, his heart hammering against his chest. He wanted to reach to Jeongguk and pull him back to where he was just a minute ago, all over him, back to his lips, right where he wanted him. But he stopped himself when he realised Jeongguk was looking down, avoiding his strong gaze, rubbing the back of his head anxiously.

 

“S-sorry I got carried away” Jeongguk apologised, already moving back as if he was afraid of touching Taehyung, like a scared animal moving back cautiously trying to make himself invisible.

 

“No” Taehyung’s didn’t want to sound as desperate as he sounded, he coughed and touched his throat as if that would make any difference on the way he was speaking, “I-I mean, it’s okay, y-you didn’t do anything wrong”

 

Jeongguk nodded but he didn’t move. They both stood on the pool, still too afraid to move closer, though Taehyung was craving for Jeongguk’s lips on him again. He was the one to break the silence then, pulling himself off the pool and looking around for a towel, he couldn’t get inside the house dripping like he was.

 

“It’s getting cold, we should head back inside Gguk”

 

Jeongguk hummed and followed him out of the pool, taking his towel from the lounge but froze when Taehyung placed the towel around his hips and beckoned him to turn around, “D-don’t look” He blushed.

 

“Sorry” Jeongguk rushed, covering his eyes and turning around, listening to Taehyung struggle to take off his trunks, “I’m gonna change too”

 

“Okay” Taehyung said and remained on his position, both back to back. Taehyung would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious, that he didn’t want to turn around and stare at Jeongguk’s body in his full glory. He bit his lip at the thought but he didn’t move an inch, “Tell me when you are done”

 

“You can turn around Tae”

 

Taehyung complied but his breath got caught at the sight of Jeongguk, towel tied at his waist, the knot so low that his vline was peeking out in the most suggestive way. Taehyung gaped, and averted his eyes with a blush on his cheeks, but Jeongguk caught the way his eyes wandered all over his body before he could pull a blank face. He smirked and lead the way inside.

 

The house was already silent, so they walked upstairs in silence until they reached their doors. Taehyung stood looking at the knob not really wanting to leave Jeongguk already. Jeongguk would be thinking the same because he didn’t make a move to get inside either.

 

“Goodnight I guess” Taehyung whispered, but his body remained on the same position, when the younger boy didn’t answer he sighed and turn the knob just to be stopped by Jeongguk.

 

“Taehyung I” Jeongguk rushed, Taehyung locked eyes with the raven haired boy, who swallowed and licked his lips nervously, “I was wondering, I mean, if it’s okay, you don’t have to, god I’m talking nonsense” He whined and covered his face.

 

“Hey, Jeongguk it’s okay take your time” Taehyung half laughed, trying to lighten up the mood, he placed his hand on Jeongguk’s bare shoulder and brushed his thumb on the skin reassuringly. 

 

“C-can I sleep with you tonight? I wanted to make it up to you for being so distant today and I yeah, that’s it”

 

“Oh?” Taehyung’s face flushed red, then raised his eyebrow questiongly at Jeongguk, who waved his hands anxiously.

 

“N-not like that hyung, just sleeping n-nothing more” Taehyung laughed at the way Jeongguk acted when he was nervous, too cute to handle.

 

“Sounds good to me”

 

“Good good, I- ehm yeah gonna put some clothes on and yeah”

 

Taehyung giggled, walking inside his room, heart fluttering, “Wait you here Gguk”

 

Taehyung pressed his back on the door when he closed it, he sighed looking at the mess that was his room, he knew Jeongguk wouldn’t care at all but he tried to make it at least presentable before the other boy came. He pushed some of his clothes to a corner and realised he was still naked. He picked up the first briefs he found on the drawer and put on an oversized shirt that reached his thighs so he didn’t have to wear shorts. It was too hot in summer to sleep with clothes but he didn’t feel confident enough to sleep with Jeongguk without at least a shirt.

 

He switch off the light and crawled to his bed, he sat with his legs crossed, waiting for the younger boy. He wondered what was taking Jeongguk when he heard the soft noise of the door cracking open.

 

Without the lights he couldn’t see Jeongguk walking to his bed, he could just figure the broad frame of his shoulders as he sat in the bed next to him. His eyes didn’t take long to adjust in the darkness and now he could see the raven haired boy next to him.

 

Taehyung would spend the rest of the night looking at Jeongguk’s doe eyes but he was starting to feel too tired to even stay in this position. He laid back on the bed and made grabby hands to Jeongguk who was still looking at him unable to make any move, he wondered why the other boy had suggested to stay over if he was obviously distressed.

 

“You okay with this?” Jeongguk asked, moving his body down enough to rest his head on the pillow.

 

Taehyung nodded and Jeongguk grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. It felt so right, their fingers fit just perfectly. Taehyung sighed and closed his eyes, while Jeongguk pressed their hands over his chest. It was then when Taehyung realised that the other boy was shirtless. HIs body stiffen at the realisation and it didn’t come unnoticed, he felt Jeongguk’s grip tighten, as if he was afraid Taehyung would pull his hand away and he didn’t want to let go. Taehyung’s lips curled into a smile at how delicate Jeongguk’s touch was, how his free hand moved down to his body carefully until it reached the hem of his shirt, hands freezing when he touched the bare skin of his thighs.

 

“S-sorry” Jeongguk gulped loudly, and muttered the words.

 

“‘S okay” Taehyung didn’t want him to stop, he wanted Jeongguk’s hands on him, he wanted the younger boy to touch him whenever he wanted without being afraid of Taehyung’s reaction. He would tell him so, but he didn’t want to break the silence. He was already falling asleep, the warmness of Jeongguk’s body making it difficult not to fall into the darkness of his mind drifting away.

 

Subconsciously, he moved closer, nuzzling his nose on the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, breathing in Jeongguk’s scent and feeling more content than ever. Just Jeongguk’s presence had that effect on him, he made him feel calm and safe. He then moved his leg over Jeongguk’s stomach, and the way Jeongguk’s heart skipped a beat, or several, and the way his breath hitched didn’t came unnoticed. The back of Taehyung’s hands was still pressed over the younger’s chest, and he could feel his heart racing up below, matching his own.

 

It took a long minute for Jeongguk to relax under him, reaching out his hand to place it back on Taehyung’s leg. Only when Taehyung didn’t move away did he let a breath out and closed his eyes. Taehyung was the first one to fall asleep that night a soft “night  _ baby _ ” escaping his lips without realising it, too mesmerized by the gentleness of Jeongguk’s hands caressing him softly.

  
  
  
  
  


Taehyung woke up the following day with dark almond eyes looking at him, he looked down at the the way their body’s fit together just fine. With the light of the sun coming into the room now he could take a better look at his body pressed against Jeongguk’s. He had woken up on the same position that he had been when he fell asleep, and either he didn’t move at all or Jeongguk had held him in place the whole night, he liked the second option better.

 

“Morning sleeping beauty” Jeongguk whispered, leaving a quick kiss on his cheek.

 

Taehyung leaned on the touch and rubbed his eyes, still adjusting to the light. “Morning, how much time have you been awake?”

 

“Just half an hour don’t worry”

 

“Have you been staring at me for half an hour while I sleep Gguk?” Taehyung teased and smiled broadly when Jeongguk’s eyes widen.

 

“Liked the view” Jeongguk mirrored his smile, his morning voice was hoarse and it Taehyung shiver. He would definitely get used to waking up next to him too easily.

  
  
  
  


It turned out just like Taehyung wanted after that night. Jeongguk and Taehyung’s late night talks becoming into late night making out sessions until both of them were panting and too afraid to take it to the next step, ending up with their nimbs tangled together and falling asleep just like that.

 

At first Taehyung was glad that they were taking it slow, but he had reached a point where he couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted Jeongguk to touch him, to feel him closer than no one had ever been, he was desperate to the point he may beg for it. But he was still too afraid so he decided to push the thoughts to the back of his mind and let Jeongguk decide whenever he was ready.

 

It was on one of those mornings that Taehyung woke up alone, confused by the lack of a pair of strong arms holding him, he grunted and touched the empty spot next to him. It was still warm, so it hadn’t been long ago since Jeongguk had woken up. He checked the time on his phone and realized it was already past noon and wondered how did he had slept that much without someone banging on his door, that someone being Jimin, who really enjoyed to wake up the younger.

 

Taehyung dragged himself out of his room and walked into an empty house and a shirtless Jeongguk laying on the sofa. He stood there for a minute, taking in the way Jeongguk’s chest raised up and down with his breathing, his arms over his head making his muscles stand out in a way that made Taehyung’s mouth go dry.

 

“Hi there” Jeongguk quirk an eyebrow, yeah Taehyung wasn’t being the most subtle person when it came to Jeongguk.

 

“Uhm, hi?” Taehyung didn’t know why he made it sound like a question.

 

“Don’t worry they are all gone”

 

“Oh”

 

“Yeah, Jimin wanted to wake you up because it was your turn to pick up the groceries but Hoseok told him he would go instead, though Jimin will probably make you cook tonight in revenge”

 

“He sure do” Taehyung sighed, and picked up an apple from the bowl, realising that was the only food left. “We should have gone yesterday, now I’m gonna have to eat only an apple, ugh I deserve better”

 

“That’s what happens when you wake up at noon hyung, this is a first comes first serves democracy” Jeongguk chuckled.

 

“You could at least take some food for me?” Taehyung whined, making puppy eyes at the younger who just rolled his eyes.

 

“Those won’t work with me”

 

“Oh, are you sure they won’t Gguk?” Taehyung teased, walking towards the sofa and stopping right in front of it, looking down at Jeongguk who didn’t make any sign to make room for him.

 

“Pretty sure hyung”

 

“I see” Taehyung sighed, sounded defeated though he didn’t deceive no one.

 

“What are you doing?” Jeongguk asked, with an undertone that Taehyung couldn’t quite figure out.

 

“Nothing  _ Gguk _ ” Taehyung smiled coyly, playing innocent as he sat on top of Jeongguk, arms resting at both sides of Jeongguk’s flustered face. He leaned on him, lips barely touching. Jeongguk pushed his chin up to meet his lips but Taehyung pulled away.

 

“Hyung” Jeongguk whined and tried to reach taehyung’s mouth once again, and failing just like the previous time.

 

“What?” Taehyung snickered, obviously enjoying the younger’s struggle, it was fun to tease Jeongguk.

 

“Don’t play dumb hyung, you know very well” Jeongguk furrowed his eyebrows, butTaehyung couldn’t help but laugh at the sight, the way Jeongguk scrunched his nose to look annoyed was endearing, he couldn’t resist his cuteness and gave him the kiss the younger wanted. But he gave him just that, nothing more, and when Jeongguk tried to deepen the kiss Taehyung pulled away, for Jeongguk’s displeasure. “Don’t be a brat”

 

“Am I being a brat now Gguk? Your words wound me” Taehyung pretend to wipe a tear away. Jeongguk rolled his eyes, and Taehyung knew it was teasing the younger too much, but he wanted to test how much he would endure before taking the matter in his own hands. 

 

But Jeongguk had never been the one to have patience, and it didn’t took much more to have him pulling at the collar of Taehyung’s shirt down, so their lips crushed together. Jeongguk’s hand came to rest on the small of Taehyung’s back, pressing their bodies even closer, the day was so hot that he swear he could feel their bodies melting together, and he wouldn’t complain.

 

Jeongguk’s tongue was fast on him, exploring every inch of his mouth and licking at the back of his teeth, Taehyung tried to follow him, but everything became too much too soon, so he pulled away first, not before the raven haired boy bit his lower lip as they parted away.

 

Taehyung stare at Jeongguk for a minute, cheeks flushed red and eyes dark with lust, he stared at him, printing the sight on the back of his mind. He kissed his swollen lips trailed a path of quick pecks down his neck. The vein of Jeongguk’s neck pulsed under his tongue when he licked the skin before mouthing at it. Jeongguk’s breathed in hard and his hands gripped Taehyung’s body tighter, body moving under him awkwardly. 

 

“ _ Hyung _ ” Jeongguk half whined, half growled.

 

The way Jeongguk spoke sent shivers down the older’s spine, encouraging him to keep on kissing his skin, biting and sucking at his neck until a faint red circle showed up. Taehyung was about to move away but Jeongguk moved his hand to the older’s nape and pushed him down again, so the mark he was painting on his skin became a dark purple instead. He felt his pants grew tighter, Jeongguk’s hand feeling him up. It was becoming too hot and Taehyung found it difficult to keep breathing.

 

“Baby I-” Taehyung whined when Jeongguk slid his thumbs under the waistband of his briefs but Jeongguk hushed him with his mouth. Everything around Taehyung seemed to slow down, his head was spinning, mind clouding. He couldn’t process what was going on, like he couldn’t control his body anymore. He started grinding his ass against Jeongguk, he felt something twitching under him, and became aware all of a sudden of what was happening.

 

“Fuck hyung just like that” Jeongguk growled, closing his eyes in the feeling and biting down his lip.

 

It was all becoming too much. Taehyung knew if he kept on doing it he was going to cum inside his pants and he couldn’t forgive himself if that happened the first time he got closer to Jeongguk. He thought about stopping but Jeongguk wouldn’t let him, his hands were guiding him now, their clothed erections grinding together. Taehyung felt the familiar heat set at the bottom of his stomach but he couldn’t stop now.

 

“Gguk i-if you don’t stop I’m gonna cum I-” Taehyung hiccuped and Jeongguk smirked at how desperate he sounded, he squeezed his eyes shut until he could see dots behind his eyelids and focused on his breathing, trying to last as long as he could.

 

“I like baby better...” Jeongguk whispered to his ear, biting his earlobe and playing with his earring in the process. Taehyung moaned and he could feel his pants getting wet with precum, he felt embarrassed and tried to hide his face from the younger but Jeongguk was faster, and stronger. He moved his hands from Taehyung’s hips to his wrists, forcing him to stop trying to hide his face, “Look at me hyung” His tone was dominant and demanding, and Taehyung couldn’t help but comply, god he couldn’t tell him no if he used that tone.

 

Taehyung opened his eyes once again and was greeted by one of the most beautiful yet sinful sights he had ever had the pleasure to witness. Jeongguk was looking at him with dark eyes, pupils dilated in a way that made him look like a lion hunting a prey. Taehyung felt vulnerable under his gaze, his body started to tremble as his orgasm started hitting him.

 

Jeongguk realised what was happening and pulled Taehyung down so his face was resting on his chest, he run his fingers through the brown locks of Taehyung’s hair, whispering encouraging words until he reached his climax. Taehyung’s toes curled as he came inside his pants, his hands holding onto Jeongguk’s shoulders, body trembling uncontrollably. “So so good for me hyung” Jeongguk cooed, kissing the crown of Taehyung’s head before his hips started to move again.

 

Taehyung cried out at the overstimulation, he had never felt so sensitive but again, he had never been in a situation like this involving other person more than himself. The feeling was new, but Taehyung would get used to it, the willingness of making Jeongguk feel good, of being the cause of Jeongguk’s moans. It was overwhelming and dangerously addicting, with the little strength he had left on his body, he pushed his ass down to increase the friction of Jeongguk’s movements.

 

“Shit I-I’m  _ nhng _ ” Jeongguk didn’t finished his sentence before spilling white inside his pants, just like Taehyung did. It relief the tightness on Taehyung’s chest. Realising that he wasn’t the only one cumming on his pants like a teenager.

 

Taehyung stood on top of Jeongguk while he caught his breath, his body felt numb, he didn’t quite feel his thumb drawing circles on the bare chest of the younger. His eyes were closed and as the high came down, he became fully aware of what they have done, and even more  _ where  _ they have done it.

 

“You right hyung?” Jeongguk asked when Taehyung didn’t move from his position.

 

Taehyung forced himself to look up at Jeongguk, who was staring right at his eyes fondly, his hair was a mess, strands of black hair pushed in every direction. His cheeks were flushed and there was sweat on his temples, Taehyung’s heart fluttered, it was beautiful. Jeongguk was beautiful and he was glad to have the chance to share his first sexual experience with the younger.

 

“I’ve never felt so good baby”

 

Jeongguk’s lips curled into a wide smile at his words and he sighed, as if he was holding his breath, too afraid of the older’s reaction.

 

They stood in that position for a long minute before Jeongguk spoke again, “As much as I love having you here Tae, I feel gross”

 

“Yeah right” Taehyung laughed as he reluctantly climbed off Jeongguk.

 

He noticed that there was a wet spot on the younger’s pants and he would laugh, if there wasn’t a matching one on his own. He felt self-conscious for a moment and tried to hide it but Jeongguk had already seen it, well he had even felt it so there was no point in hiding it now.

 

They both checked that the sofa was clean and sighed in relief, Namjoon would cut their balls if he ever find out. Some things are better kept as a secret for everyone’s sake.

 

They walked towards the bathroom holding hands and smiling like idiots, for once Taehyung felt content, genuinely happy to a point he wanted to tell the world. He wanted to scream, to jump and tell everyone how happy he was, how Jeongguk made him feel that way. He wanted everyone to know.

 

Jeongguk stopped in front of the bathroom door and let go of Taehyung’s hand, “If I go there with you I can’t promise to keep my hands for myself, you go first”

 

Taehyung pouted, but nodded, he didn’t check the time but he was sure the others will arrive soon and it will need a hell of an explanation to tell them why they were both showering together, being a shower the least they could do there together.

 

Taehyung was done in less than fast minutes, but before leaving the bathroom he look at his reflection on the mirror, he looked as happy as he felt, and he wondered if it was just because of what he had done with Jeongguk or there was something else adding to the equation. But he realised he didn’t care, that it didn’t matter, because he indeed felt happy and no one could take that feeling away from him now.

 

“Your turn” He said to Jeongguk when he stepped out of the bathroom with clean clothes on.

 

Jeongguk showed him his most bunny smile before winking at him, “I’ll be fast”

 

Taehyung nodded and waited outside, his back pressed on the wall in front of the bathroom, he tapped the wall with his fingers, wondering what would happen next. They had moved on the next step, and even though the label of their relationship was still difficult to define, it was obvious that they were far from just friends trying to figure out what they wanted. Taehyung knew what he wanted, and it could conclude with just one word, or more accurate, a name: Jeongguk.

 

Jeongguk walked out no longer after, and Taehyung couldn’t fight the urge to launch himself into the younger boy’s arms. He rested his face on the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, the scent of the clean soap lingering all over his body. Taehyung sighed with content and Jeongguk pull him close, caressing his back softly.

 

“You are the clingy type after, hyung” Jeongguk laughed, there was no teasing or mocking in his tone but it didn’t make Taehyung any less anxious.

 

“Sorry Gguk I-” Taehyung took a minute to try to worded it, did Jeongguk know already? He probably did that he wasn’t an expert, he didn’t last long, and here he was clinging to the younger boy as if they had really fuck. Would he care? He sighed and hid his face further into Jeongguk’s body as he let out the words that have been haunting him, “it was kinda like my first time”

 

“What?” Jeongguk pull him away, obviously distressed by the sudden confession. Taehyung panicked, he couldn’t tell if Jeongguk was just surprised or if he regretted what they have done, “What do you mean by kinda your first time Taehyung?”

 

“I-I mean this was the closest thing to...you know, god I’m so sorry Gguk” Taehyung felt self conscious and his voice cracked in the end, giving him away.

 

“Hey  _ TaeTae _ ” Jeongguk placed his thumb on the older’s chin and forced him to look up at his face, there were tears menacing to fall on Taehyung’s eyes but he held them back. “I’m the one who should be sorry, I-I thought you…. shit, Taehyung I’m sorry” Jeongguk pulled him back into his arms and held him tight, “If only you had told me hyung, I would have tried to make it special not just grinding on you on Joonie’s couch”

 

“You don’t care?” Taehyung looked up again, eyes glowing with hope.

 

“Of course I don’t hyung, don’t be stupid, if anything I’m honored to be your  _ kinda first _ ” Jeongguk mimic Taehyung’s words, earning a punch on the shoulder from the younger. “But now jokes aside, I’m sorry I promise next time I would make it special”

 

“Next time?” Taehyung quirked an eyebrow suggestively.

 

“Only if you want, you don’t need to rush it you know, virginity is just a social construct” Jeongguk rushed the words out so fast he nearly choked on the last words.

 

“Oh my god don’t say it like that” Taehyung covered his ears and felt his face heating with embarrassment.

 

Jeongguk burst out into laughter and Taehyung felt his body relax at the sound of his laugh, the way his eyes turned into crescents and his nose scrunched.

 

Taehyung bit his lip and reach out his hand to hold Jeongguk’s, he stroke his fingers over the younger’s hand and smiled reassuringly, “But you don’t have to make it special Gguk, it already was”

 

Jeongguk mirrored his smile and pulled at his hand so Taehyung stumbled forward into him, he caught the older boy, arm circling around his waist as he leaned down to kiss him. This time there was no rush, no eagerness, just lips against lips, “A promise is a promise” He said between kisses, not quite pulling away, his lips brushing together as he spoke.

 

“Pinky promise?” Taehyung put his pinky between their faces.

 

“Pinky promise” Jeongguk intertwined their pinkies together and sealed the promise with their thumbs, the same way they used to do when they were just kids.

 

Taehyung never felt his heart so full, so so full it ached. But it was a comfortable feeling, the ache made him smile, made him want to reach his hand over it and feel it with his own hands. He was too lost in the moment, walking with Jeongguk back to the living room, holding hands and not able to look at anything but each other.

 

“So this is what you two have been up to”

 

Taehyung turned his face towards the entrance door, face blank, eyes wide open, staring at a crossed armed Jimin, a judging expression over his face.

 

“Jimin I-” Taehyung started to speak and pulled his hand away from Jeongguk’s as if it burnt, so fast that Jeongguk could only look dumbfounded at the emptiness on his palm.

 

“Don’t” Jimin stopped him, he had never seen his best friend’s expression so cold, “I’ve seen enough for you to make cheap excuses right now”

 

The rest of the boys walked into the house carefully, looking from Jimin’s piercing expression, to Taehyung’s ashamed face, to Jeongguk’s embarrassed one.

 

“What happened?” Namjoon asked, worried.

 

“Yeah Taehyung, why don’t you tell us what happened?” Jimin never talked to him like that, he sounded so upset that made Taehyung wonder if what he had been doing with Jeongguk was that bad, it never felt as wrong as it was right now.

 

“I-” Taehyung looked at Jeongguk who seemed to stop working, eyes wide open like a deer caught in the headlights.

 

“We made up” They all looked at Jeongguk, as if they just noticed his presence, they looked at him as if he had just popped out of nowhere.

 

“Good to know that someone is willing to tell me” Jimin furrowed his eyebrows at Taehyung, his words hurt, well more like the tone he was using. Taehyung understood that Jimin was his best friend, his soulmate, the only person who never turned his back on him when no one believed him, and yet here he was, hiding the truth to the only person he had supported him through the hardships of being with and without Jeongguk.

 

“Hyung I’m sorry” Taehyung apologised.

 

“Jimin hyung, it was my fault, I asked him not to tell anyone, he really wanted to tell you but I didn’t let him so if you want to be mad at someone be mad at me” Jeongguk added even though it wasn’t the full truth, Taehyung never said he wanted to tell Jimin, but Jeongguk probably knew it before he could say it.

 

“I can’t believe I’m the one that most wanted you two to be together and I have to find out by running into you two laughing like idiots and holding hands. I deserve so much better”

 

“You are such a drama queen Minnie” Taehyung couldn’t believe it.

 

“You were supposed to tell me everything, you know with the nasty details and all that” Jimin said, walking towards Taehyung with open arms.

 

“Wait aren’t you mad?” Taehyung asked and let himself get hugged by the older boy.

 

“Of course I’m not, but you better tell me the nasty details asap”

 

“There aren’t those hyung” Taehyung whined.

 

“Considering Jeongguk’s hickey allow me to disagree” Jimin snickered, winking at Taehyung who rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide the embarrassment. Jeongguk couldn’t hide it either.

 

“Okay change of plans Joonie, the trip we were talking about in the car, it has to happen tomorrow I can’t wait for next week”

 

“What trip?” Jeongguk asked.

 

“See there was an advert of a camping in the grocery store. It’s free and the location looked pretty good, it’s just one hour away from here so we decided to go next week but considering the news I need it now”

 

They all laughed at that, Jimin was too exaggerated but any of them would change his personality, Taehyung was glad to have him by his side, always.

 

When they all gathered in the floor to write down what they needed for tomorrow, Yoongi walked towards Jeongguk, squeezing his arm reassuringly. Jeongguk nodded knowingly and joined the rest with the most genuine smile ever. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this one turned out longer than expected, I'm glad to see your comments, trying to guess who was the one who saw Taehyung in the last chapter! Also it's been so long since i last wrote smut i don't feel happy enough with the come out, but i'd try to make it better in the future hehehe things are about to get nasty kids hahaha anyways hope you like this one and sorry if there are grammar mistakes or typos uwu, enjoy the read and see you in the next chapter!! Please comment your thoughts, feedback is always highly appreciated


	7. Chapter 7

“You guys ready?” Hoseok put the last bag on the trunk of Jimin’s car, wiping away the sweat on his forehead. Today was one of the hottest days of summer, the temperature being too high for only june.

 

“Yupp” Jimin and Taehyung chanted together stressing the “p” and checking on the list the last items. One of Jimin’s qualities is that he’s very organized when it came to travelling. Taehyung was glad because if it wasn’t for his older friend he would even forget to put on some clothes before leaving.

 

“Where do you think you are going?” Jimin asked when he saw Taehyung following Jeongguk towards Jin’s van.

 

Taehyung turned around confused, beckoning Jeongguk with his head, “I-” he stuttered but Jimin didn’t let him finish before he grabbed his wrist and pulled him the way to his car.

 

“You’ll have all the time in the world during our little vacation to do whatever you two do when you are alone” Jimin quirked his eyebrow and waved his hand dismissively coming to sit on the driver’s seat, Taehyung following to seat next to him with a pout on his face whilst Yoongi and Hoseok went to the back.

 

The air inside the car was hot, it would be difficult to breathe without the air conditioner pouring air to his face, he sighed contently when Jimin started the ignition and followed Jin through the road. Taehyung rolled down the window and let the wind carry fresh air filling the car, Jimin was driving fast so that air was enough to chill the space so Jimin turned off the air conditioner to save gas.

 

The car was silent at the beginning, Jimin was concentrated on the road and he would take a quick glance at the backseat every now and then where Yoongi and Hoseok were all over each other. He rolled his eyes and picked up his phone, unlocking it and sending a quick message to Jeongguk. It was stupid really, they have just being together but Taehyung was aching to see the younger boy again, to cup his face and kiss him numbless. It was a weird feeling but not a foreign one.

  
  


**_Taehyung 10:27_ **

 

_ How’s going? _

_ Miss u _

  
  


“Hey what are you d-?” Taehyung whined, not able to see Jeongguk’s answer before Jimin took his phone away from him and handled to Hoseok who was sitting behind him.

 

“No lovey dovey stuff in my presence kid, I was waiting for you to open up and tell me everything but it seems like you prefer to drool over text” Jimin tried to sound annoyed but everyone in the car knew he was just trying to sound firm so Taehyung would tell him.

 

“I told you already hyung” Taehyung whined and looked at Hoseok with puppy eyes so he could give him back his phone.

 

“Oh no Jiminnie he’s doing it I just can’t, he’s so cute”

 

“Be strong, sunshine I know you can do better than that” Jimin spoke with a tone so sweet it made Taehyung gag, “And you” Jimin sounded stern now, “stop that”

 

“Ugh fine” Taehyung grunted which made Jimin smile triumphally, “I told you already hyung that we just kinda made up and it just happened somehow” He shrugged. Jimin was not having it.

 

“Details kid, you know there’s more than that”

 

Taehyung covered his face “You are insufferable hyung”

 

“It’s my job as your soulmate Taetae, you know that already” he smiled.

 

“Yeah but, they are not” Taehyung turned his face towards the other boys, smiling apologetically, “don’t take it personal”

 

“Nah we don’t” Yoongi said, it was reassuring.

 

“But you know that they will end up finding out, no secrets and all that you know, that kind of boyfriend stuff, you’ll get there eventually”

 

Taehyung nodded, he was somehow happy, realising the implications of that word  _ boyfriend _ , it may be stupid, but Taehyung’s cheeks warmed up at the thought of being able to call Jeongguk his boyfriend,  _ his _ , once again.

 

“Okay so it kinda happened you know after the night, we talked” Taehyung played with his fingers nervously, it was silent in the car now, everyone paying attention to him, it was not uncomfortable but it still made him anxious, it was the first time he tell anyone about it and it felt weird, “well he came that night to my room” he blushed, remembering how that night Jeongguk had crawled into the bed with him, demanding an explanation, he had looked broken that time, and remembering it made his chest tighten.

 

“I see” Jimin smirked, forcing back the urge to nudge his elbow at the younger but he was still driving so that was something not very intelligent to do.

 

“We did nothing really” Taehyung rushed, looking at the rest of the boys who nodded silently, “But something changed that night, we started talking more, I followed your advice and apologised, told him the reasons behind the lie and we are still working on it, trying to fix my mistake, together, it feels good” Taehyung smiled, it was good to say his thoughts out loud.

 

“Ugh you are so cute it’s disgusting” Jimin smirked, “but who did the first move? who confessed? oh my god you two fucked already?”

 

“Jimin stop” It was Yoongi who spoke then, stopping his boyfriend to keep on shooting questions to a helpless Taehyung. “Let the boy tell us what he’s comfortable about”

 

“Thanks hyung” Taehyung sighed.

 

“You guys are no fun, don’t tell me you are not curious about who did it first”

 

“Not everyone’s like you honey” Yoongi said back, rolling his eyes but Jimin noticed the way he gulped relieved.

 

“You know” Jimin opened his eyes bewildered, “Oh my god hyung you know!!”

 

“Know what?” Taehyung frowned, staring from the boys sitting behind him, to Jimin, who was holding the steering wheel with white knuckles.

 

“I can’t believe it” Jimin whined, “when did you find out?” There was silence in the car, and Taehyung was quite lost, “Answer me baby, don’t make it worse”

 

Taehyung felt as if he was in the middle of a firefight without any shield to protect him.

 

“See Taetae” Jimin started talking again, “Yoongi has this habit of touching his ear when he’s nervous, and why would he be nervous Tae?”

 

Taehyung shrugged, not really understanding where this was going.

 

“Well he’s obviously lying, or hiding something, or both” Jimin directed his gaze to the mirror, a piercing stare directed to the boys at the back.

 

Hoseok placed his hand on Yoongi’s head, moving away the strands of hair that fell into his eyes, covering his face “I told you he will find out”

 

“I swear to god if you don’t tell me what’s going on right now i’m pulling up the car, first warning”

 

Yoongi sighed, reaching out to hold Jimin’s shoulders with his hands, massaging them slowly, “Babe” he sighed, “don’t be mad. I heard a noise at night and went to check if someone walked in when i saw them on the porch. Taehyung rushed back in the house so flustered he didn’t even notice I was there”

 

The warmness filled Taehyung’s face, eyes wide open in embarrassment. He truly didn’t notice anyone standing on the kitchen that night, his mind was clouded with so many thoughts and feelings he only saw the way straight to his room. He didn’t even looked back at Jungkook, too shy to face him at the boldness of his action that night, he was glad now but that didn’t erase the uneasiness he was feeling right now at the realisation that they had been observed. It all make sense now, the way Yoongi approached Jungkook after they told the truth, how he patted his back and smiled proudly at the younger boy.

 

Jimin  rolled his eyes and scrunched his nose “I can’t believe you told Hoseok but not me”

 

“C’mon babe we all know the moment you find out you would break into Taehyung’s room to demand an explanation, besides I promised Jeongguk I wouldn’t tell you, he knows you just as I do”

 

“He saw you?” Taehyung who seemed out of the conversation this whole time turned around to face the older, inquiringly.

 

Yoongi hummed in response, “The poor boy was freaking out, he told me he needed to collect his thoughts before telling the others, which I obviously understand. Jeongguk have never been one to cope with feelings easily so I get he needed time, so I gave it to you”

 

“Fair enough” Taehyung muttered, smiling at the thought of Jeongguk flustered after their second first kiss. He knew Jeongguk had felt just as much as Taehyung that night but still, hearing the confirmation from another person made it even better, made it real.

 

There were no more words spoken afterwards, just the music playing on the radio loud enough to shut up his thoughts. He put his hand outside the window and moved his arm along with the wind, making waves as he smiled contently, he felt free, careless, and for the first time he felt like he would this vacation along with his friends. For once there was no regret, no fear, just genuine happiness as they made their way to the camping.

 

It took them half an hour to reach the camping, exhausted Jimin pulled up the car behind Jin’s on a parking lot. While Jin and Namjoon headed to a bungalow to find the owners of the camping and asked them about the rules and conditions they all helped to unpack the cars. It seems that they only had two tents and would have to take turns to sleep there, switching from Jin’s van to the tents.

 

It was getting dark already when they all gathered in front of a fire, all sitting on wooden trunks in circle. There was no room for all Taehyung noticed and looked around for an empty spot before he decided to just sit down on the floor next to Jimin when Jeongguk pulled his wrist and direct him towards his lap. Taehyung smiled softly and complied, sitting on top of him, his back pressed to the younger’s chest. He sighed, when he looked around no one paid attention to them, everyone focused on their own conversations. There was an eerie feeling on his chest, a mixture of calmness and belonging, knowing he was there, safe, on his beloved arms, under the starry night, gathered with his friends. His chest must burst out of happiness and relief.

 

He stirred when he felt Jeongguk place his chin on the crook of his neck, holding him tight from behind and reaching out to grab a marshmallow from a stick. He soon relaxed and let himself to close his eyes and breathe in the calmness of the night, it really felt good.

_ I don’t ever want this to end _

 

Too overwhelmed with the feeling he didn’t realised all of them turned their heads towards him, oblivious of the fact that he had spoken his thought out loud for everyone to hear. But far from mocking they all smiled at him. This was what real happiness must feel like.

 

“Me neither” Namjoon said, his words directed to no one but everyone.

 

“We shouldn’t let it happen” Hoseok smiled and they all nodded.

 

They ate their food in silence, Jeongguk biting his half burned marshmallow and offering the other half to Taehyung, who bite it from his hand. It tasted just like it looked but nothing ever felt so sweet in his palate.

 

“We shouldn’t come back” Jimin said, earning everyone’s attention, looking at him confused.

 

“What?” Namjoon couldn’t hide his surprise at Jimin’s words, taken aback.

 

“I mean, I really like your place Joonie but I feel like not coming back ever so soon, we...we should  do something crazy like the old times, something like, I don’t know” His thoughts rambling.

 

“Like a road trip?” Jeongguk suggested.

 

“Exactly!” Jimin agreed excitedly, “C’mon there’s still plenty of time before we have to leave we can see as much as the road let us, together” He sounded serious, convinced that that was the best to do, and somehow Taehyung couldn’t get to disagree.

 

“I don’t know what will happen to us when the summer ends but I’m sure I want to spend every second of it with you, so I’m in” Taehyung smiled, he really didn’t care as long as they were together, all of them.

 

“I can’t believe we are all agreeing to this” Jin sighed, but didn’t sound as he objected to the ide, “where we should go first?” he wondered.

 

“Let’s just let the fate decide” Hoseok added, a wide smile so bright it could outsell the blazing fire.

 

“Fate” Yoongi sounded more discouraged than everyone else.

 

“Fate” Taehyung echoed, “Is what lead us here, this moment, this place, this-” he locked eyes with Jeongguk and bit his lower lip nervously, “we really should do that Chim”

 

They all laughed then, full of joy and without any bit of worry, any of them convinced that they were joking now but promising to remain together, to keep together no matter what happened, and yeah that was what happiness was made of.

 

“I think we are all too tired and becoming delirious, just sleep right? We can decided on it tomorrow, as you said, there’s plenty of time ñeft to decide right now what we do” Namjoon, the voice of the reason in the group, spoke.

 

They all picked up their things and turned off the fire, ready to head to the tents when they realised they didn’t decided who slept where.

 

“You two lovebirds can sleep in the van tonight, we can switch tomorrow” Jin raised his eyebrow, amused by the flushed expression of both Taehyung and Jeongguk, who looked more dumbfounded than anything. “Just be careful and I swear to god if I find any stain on the seats I’m gonna beat you two up you won’t feel your asses till the end of summer”

 

Taehyung gaped, no words leaving his mouth and blood rushing in his veins at the implications of his words. “I-I we, we really didn’t-”

 

“Do not worry hyung we’ll be careful, I came prepared” He smirked, and winked at Taehyung who had the urge to cover his face with hands, not wanting to ever look again at their friend’s eyes. They all chuckled at that but him who turned around and hit Jeongguk in the shoulder. Jeongguk reacted by reaching out his hands to grab Taehyung’s before the older was able to hit him again and pulled him towards him, placing a chaste kiss on his lips, smiling as he pulled away and stared at Taehyung’s eyes as if they held the universe inside them.

 

They prepared the car for sleep, the seats pulled down in a way that made it like a bed, not the most comfortable one but it will do. Taehyung laid down, face up to the car’s roof. Jeongguk soon joined beside him, his arms embracing the older boy, pulling him closer. It was hot enough inside the car not to need blankets, just each other’s skin keeping them warm.

 

Taehyung sighed, burying his face on Jeongguk’s bare chest, he didn’t know if he loved or hated  the younger’s habit of sleeping half naked, or both. It wasn’t that he couldn’t control himself but there was something about Jeongguk that made it hard to resist, but he fought it back, resting his hand still on his chest, just over his beating heart.

 

“Ggukie” He sighed.

 

“Tell me hyung”

 

“What did you mean by, you know” Taehyung didn’t know why it felt so hard to speak the words out loud, “prepared”

 

Taehyung felt Jeongguk’s chest vibrate as he laughed at his question, he put his hand over Taehyung’s, interlacing their fingers together, “I meant, what you think I meant”

 

The elder looked up at him, suddenly self conscious, as if Jeongguk was expecting him to do something, what he didn’t know, that’s why he felt anxious and even afraid.

 

“Relax TaeTae, I’m joking, well not that much but I told you, I would make it special, and that means that I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, and the least in Jin’s car. Unless being geld by hyung is your kink”

 

“Oh my god shut up will you” Taehyung hid his face again but Jeongguk was not having it, he released the grip on his hand and cupped Taehyung’s face, “Look at me angel” Jeongguk whispered, and Taehyung felt his heart do a backflip at the name, embarrassed at how content had he felt with the fondness of Jeongguk’s voice.

 

Jeongguk leaned down, and pressed his lips with the youngers, capturing his lower lip with his mouth, Taehyung couldn’t hold back the small sigh that escaped his lips. Jeongguk shifted his position so he was caging Taehyung down between his arms, pulling him close, so close he couldn’t breathe. His lips parted at the feeling of Jeongguk on top of him, and Jeongguk didn’t miss his chance to slide his tongue inside the older’s mouth, tasting the inside of his cavern, licking the back of his teeth, and smiling as the kissed deepened.

 

Taehyung would never get used to the heat inside his body, menacing to burst out into flames, wrapping them both in fire and desire. But it surprised him that Jeongguk was the one to pull away first, grinning down at Taehyung who followed Jeongguk’s lips with his eyes closed, craving for more, more of his touch, more of his kisses, more of him.

 

“You are pouting angel” The bunny smile on Jeongguk’s lips would be endearing if not for the fact that he was mocking Taehyung, and he didn’t like it.

 

“I’m not” He pouted again.

 

“Now you are pouting and also lying” He chuckled, “Cute”

 

“Shut up” He whined, and it took all of his strength not to push Jeongguk away when the younger moved forward to place a chaste peck on his lips, the skin barely brushing.

 

“A-again” His voice stuttered, his doe eyes locked with Jeongguk, begging, never getting enough of him, craving for the contact.

 

Jeongguk kissed him again, longer than before but not long enough for Taehyung to feel satisfied, but it was all the younger offered him, before turning him on his side, and moving to stay behind him, holding him, strong arms wrapped around his body who never felt so fragile, but despite that feeling he had never felt so safe, their hands wrapped together, Jeongguk’s thumb caressing his soft skin. He sighed and just like that he waited for the tiredness to claim him, shutting his thoughts down as well as three words that threat to slip through his lips. He decided to save them for later, because this time he was sure that there was nothing that would stop him to say them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REALLY WRITERS BLOCK IS A BIHCT IM REALLY SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE FOR SO LONG AND JUST FOR SUCH A SHORT CHAPTER
> 
> But can you hear me scream???? the fluff??? they are so soft for each other i may CRY REAL TEARS
> 
> I can't promise a chapter any time soon but I DO PROMISE there will be one, i'm not the kind of author (if i can call myself that) that leaves a work unfinished, it's just that there are so many things i have to do for class and then when i arrive home inspiration doen't come through, so again i'm so sorry for being so late.
> 
> Soooo here's your 3 am update just as usual hahaha please comment your thoughts and bear with my poor english, and any kind of constructive comment will be HIGHLY appreciated!! hope you like this short one uwu


	8. Chapter 8

They are all gathered in the forest nearby the camp, it’s already getting dark and after spending all day together doing nothing in particular Jimin spoke up. “Okay so the plan is,” he unfolded a road map in the floor and drew a red cross where they were placed, “we are here, and there’s this nice road that goes along the coast” Jimin pointed with his index, “So I made some research and we have enough time to reach this small town” he drew another red cross, “where there’s a summer festival during the meteor shower in August”

 

“So we are really doing it?” Jin asked, joined Jimin on the grass.

 

“Definitely” Hoseok answered, “it could be the best way to end the summer right?”

 

Taehyung nodded, shifting his position between Jeongguk’s legs to look at the younger. Jeongguk seemed lost in thought and Taehyung wondered what was going through his mind. Taehyung had been thinking about Jeongguk’s promise a lot. And it showed because everytime the younger insinuated him something related to sex, well the older freaked out, cheeks flushed red and a mixture of fear and excitement rushing through his veins. But Jeongguk is silent now, and he didn’t know why the younger looked distracted. When Taehyung placed his hand over his cheek the other boy seemed to woke up and realise he had been absent from the conversation.

 

“Whatever is nice” He smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes, and Taehyung realised there was something wrong. He didn’t comment on it though.

 

“If we part tomorrow we will arrive the day before the festival”

 

“Yeah let’s do that” Namjoon agreed.

 

“So we gotta get ready then” Jimin clasped his hands together excitedly and they all joined him, telling him what they need to shop before going and how they will divide the driving hours.

 

When they were done, they started to collect their things and put their trash in a plastic bag.

 

When Taehyung was about to get up from Jeongguk’s laps, the younger held him in place and raised his voice, “We gonna stay a little longer”.

 

They all turned to look at the couple with questioning looks but shrugged it off.

 

“Remember to rest, we have a long journey ahead” Was all that Jimin said before walking away, winking at them.

 

“Why did you said that?”

 

“I” Jeongguk rubbed the back of his head anxiously, “Ehm..I wanna show you something”

 

Taehyung frowned as the younger boy got up and reached out his hand to help him up, Taehyung hesitated at first but took it.

 

“Do you trust me?” Jeongguk asked.

 

Taehyung took a minute to think about his question. Yeah he trusted Jeongguk. He didn’t know why the younger was asking him that, because he should be the one not trusting Taehyung after what he had done.

 

“Always” He smiled and Jeongguk mirrored his reaction, this time it did reach his eyes.

 

They walked for about ten minutes deep inside the forest, Taehyung didn’t know what would be there that Jeongguk was so eager to show him. But Taehyung followed him without questioning his intentions.

 

After some more minutes they reached a clearing, Taehyung gasped at the sight of it, even with the sun starting to hide on the horizon he could see dandelions and daisies decorating the grass like a painting. On one side of the clearing there was a small lake, with a dock in the middle. He noticed that Jeongguk must have searched for this spot early in the day because his bag was on the wooden floor.

 

“Woah Ggukie this is beautiful” Taehyung wandered around the place in awe, stopping at the dock.

 

“Yeah it is” Jeongguk followed him with his gaze, not sparing a single glance at the scenery his eyes only focusing on the older boy. He stopped just a few steps behind Taehyung and started undressing until he was only wearing the swimsuit.

 

“What are you doing?” Taehyung asked dumbfounded.

 

“Gonna take a bath isn’t it obvious?” Jeongguk chuckled and started running along the dock to jump into the clear water.

 

“You are crazy” Taehyung laughed and sat at the edge of the wooden structure, only putting his feet on the fresh water, even though it was getting darker the weather was still too hot.

 

“Join me” Jeongguk shouted from the water, he was standing on his feet so the lake didn’t seem too deep.

 

“Jeongguk is getting late come here”

 

“Not until you join me”

 

“Ugh fine” Taehyung rolled his eyes and started to take his clothes off while Jeongguk whistled at him. Taehyung felt a little self conscious about his body, not as fit as Jeongguk’s. He tried to cover himself with his hands as he sat on the deck again.

 

Jeongguk swam towards him, taking his hands to help him get in the water, “Don’t do that”

 

Taehyung let Jeongguk pull him in the water, circling his arms over his neck, “Do what?”

 

“Hiding your body” Jeongguk’s voice was stern, “Taehyung you are perfect” he played with Taehyung’s wet hair, pushing it back and revealing his forehead.

 

“Ah stop lying” Taehyung hit Jeongguk playfully in the chest but the younger boy held his wrist, his stare serious and somehow intimidating even though his eyes always looked at Taehyung fondly.

 

“I’d never lie to you” Taehyung didn’t know if there was another implication to his words, but this time he let it slide. He did so because Jeongguk kissed his lips sweetly to make his point even more clear.

 

Taehyung sighed in the kiss and let Jeongguk take the lead, tongue sliding in his mouth to map out the cavern of his mouth. Taehyung tried to follow him, but Jeongguk was fast, kissing him harder, each second harder than before. Taehyung was lost in the feeling of Jeongguk’s warm lips, strong arms picking him up so he was supporting all his weight, the water make it easier.

 

The older boy circled his legs around Jeongguk’s waist, and only when the younger pressed their bodies together did he realise that he was hard. Taehyung suddenly felt too aware of what was happening but he didn’t try to move away when Jeongguk moved his lips from his lips down to his jawline, peppering kisses along it.

 

Taehyung sighed and buried his face on the crook of Jeongguk’s neck in order to hide his face and allowing him more access to his bare neck. Jeongguk didn’t hesitate he bit it, sucking at the wet skin while Taehyung’s breathe hitched.

 

He liked how easy Jeongguk made him forget about everything else, how just a simple touch could make him shiver in pleasure, wanting more. He couldn’t get enough of him. It was awkward when he tried to move his hips looking for friction, but Jeongguk guided him, moving his arms down to cup his butt.

 

“Jeongguk” A soft moan escaped his lips when he felt his boner pressed against Jeongguk’s.

 

“Shh relax Tae is okay” Jeongguk’s voice was soothing, he should feel nervous because he knew the other boy’s intentions but he didn’t know why he wasn’t. He felt comfortable, as if that was something natural, something they have done plenty of times. It was Jeongguk’s effect on him, he made everything look like home to him, like he belonged to his touch.

 

Taehyung’s mind relaxed but his body couldn’t. He was stiff when Jeongguk licked his earlobe and suck at the spot under his ear, a wave of pleasure hitting his body, travelling down his untouched cock. He moaned again, eyes closed and cheeks flushing red. He couldn’t face the younger, it was embarrassing. Even though the water was cold he felt hot all over, the more with Jeongguk all over him, not letting him breathe between hungry kisses and tender touches.

 

Even though they liked it there, they knew it would be a little hard to touch each other in the lake. So Jeongguk carried him out, placing Taehyung over a towel. The material wasn’t thick enough to make the wooden boards more comfortable, but they were soft and Taehyung liked it.

 

“I know this is not the most comfortable place” Jeongguk hovered over him, planting a chaste kiss on the older’s lips, “but I hope you don’t mind”.

 

Taehyung smiled warmly, it was endearing how the younger had tried to fulfil his promise, to try to make this especial. Taehyung didn’t care about the place, he only cared about Jeongguk being the one with him then. “I like it”

 

Jeongguk mirrored his smile and leaned down to kiss his lips, hands wandering down his body, his elbow bent over Taehyung’s head, fingers playing with his wet locks.

 

It was dark already, the breeze a little cold because they were still wet but Taehyung couldn’t be bothered. He let Jeongguk touch him, fingers pinching the bud on his nipples and he shuddered but it felt so good, nothing ever felt so good, so right.

 

“You are so pretty” Jeongguk whispered over his ear, his hands never stopping. Taehyung dared to disagree, he was sure that with his wet hair stuck on his forehead, his cheeks red and his lips parted and swollen he look anything but pretty. But he didn’t say it out loud, he was just turned his face to his side and locked their lips together, this time Taehyung lead the kiss, mouth moving in a sloppy manner but Jeongguk didn’t seem to care. He followed Taehyung, cock twitching over him when Taehyung sank his teeth on the flesh of his lips, sucking. He opened his eyes and looked at Jeongguk’s dark eyes, pupils dilated.

 

He noticed that Jeongguk was careful, that even though he looked at Taehyung like a prey, his actions were calculated, as if he was trying to restrain himself. Too different from the last time, when Jeongguk was making him grind on his lap, dirty talking. Taehyung realised it was because last time Jeongguk didn’t know that he was still a virgin. It was endearing how the younger seem to care so much about that now, but he didn’t want Jeongguk to treat him like a piece of china, as if a wrong touch would break him.

 

He decided to take the first step, placing his hand on the hem of Jeongguk’s tracks. The younger froze for a second, not expecting Taehyung to be so forward, but he relaxed soon and moved his lower body up so the older could pull down the only piece of clothing he was wearing. He struggled to take it off completely, ending up on his knees to discard it.

 

Taehyung didn’t dare to look at him fully naked. Yes he had touched Jeongguk, although with a piece of clothing separating their erections, but seeing it was something else, something more intimate. Even though it was dark he tried to locked eyes with the younger, and focus on his face only. Jeongguk smiled at his shyness but made no comment on it, just lowered his body to place quick but sweet kisses along his torso. Taehyung shuddered the more down he reached, when he stopped under his navel the younger looked up at him, a silent question of permission on his eyes.

 

Taehyung nodded, running his fingers through the dark locks of Jeongguk’s hair. When the younger pulled down his trucks, Taehyung had to look away, not able to face the younger knowing he was fully exposed. Only for him. There were many things that run through his mind. What would Jeongguk think of him? Would he like what he saw? But all his worries washed away when Jeongguk resumed his ministrations, kissing the way down his thighs. The older had to cover his face with his arms, too embarrassed.

 

“J-jeongguk” He whined the younger took wrapped his hand on the base of his length.

 

“Tell me if you want to stop okay?” Jeongguk caressed his naked skin in a reassuring manner, his voice was sweet and Taehyung could never tell him to stop when he was taking care of him so fondly.

 

“Okay”

 

When Jeongguk started mouthing at the shaft, smearing the precum over the tip with his thumb Taehyung felt like he wouldn’t last. Never before had he been touched in such a gentle and intimate manner, he closed his eyes and whined Jeongguk’s name.

 

The clearing would be silent if it weren’t for his heavy moans and breathing mixed with the wet sounds Jeongguk was making as he swallowed him full. He felt a piercing pain through his chest at the realisation of how good Jeongguk was blowing him, too aware of the fact this wouldn’t be the first time he did that. He cursed under his breath because he wished he could turn back time and share his first time with Jeongguk.

 

Taehyung shook his head, no, this was not the time to think about that. It didn’t matter how much did he regret lying to Jeongguk because they have found each other again, and this was happening now, he should forget about it for an instant and enjoy the way Jeongguk bobbed his head up and down him.

 

“Look at me” Jeongguk’s voice was hoarse and demanding, “Taehyung look at me” he repeated before sinking his head down again. Taehyung complied reluctantly and when his eyes landed on Jeongguk’s dark ones, staring up at him while he sucked him off, he felt as if the wind swirled around them like a maelstrom and the only way to support himself in place was holding Jeongguk’s shoulders, sinking his nails on the wet flesh.

 

With the corners of his eyes Taehyung could see the younger trying to pick up the bag from the dock, and without stopping his sucking he rummaged through the contents, finding what he was looking for. The younger boy hollowed his cheeks to give more pressure on the weight on his mouth while his free hand lowered to part Taehyung cheeks.

 

Taehyung hissed when he felt a sticky finger lubbing his rim, sliding one digit inside. “F-fuck Gguk”

 

“Breathe honey” Taehyung squirmed at the name and tried to breathe but it was hard, the air heavy on his lungs, his heart speeding up to a point he was sure it would rip his ribs open. Jeongguk keep adding pressure inside him, drawing circles with his slender finger. After some minutes of Taehyung rolling his hips involuntary at the pleasurable feeling Jeongguk added another one to scissor them inside.

 

The older boy tried to lift himself into a sitting position but Jeongguk held him down with a strong grip on his waist, thumb sinking into his skin so hard he was sure it would leave a bruise. “S’okay” Jeongguk repeated over and over again until Taehyung’s breathe become more steady.

 

When he slid his fingers out Taehyung’s hole clenched into nothing, he felt the anxiety filling his body, trembling at the reality, at what was about to happen. He was too focused on not showing how nervous he was that he didn’t notice Jeongguk rolling down the condom and aligning himself with his entrance.

 

“Jeongguk” HIs voice cracked when he felt the tip over his entrance.

 

“Want me to stop?” Jeongguk sounded worried and stood still over him.

 

“No it’s just” Taehyung’s voice was trembling so he took a deep breath before speaking again, “Don’t you want me to touch you?”

 

“Nah it’s fine” When Jeonguk notice the disappointed look Taehyung shoot him, he continued, “I mean I wouldn’t mind but this is about you” he started to move down, sliding inside him painfully slow, “I want you to feel good”

 

Taehyung whined at the burning feeling of getting stretched out, because Jeongguk was thick, and the two fingers were far from enough to compare. When he bottomed out he stood there, waiting for the older boy to adjust to the feeling of Jeongguk inside him, “Breathe Tae”, he demanded. And it worked, because when he started breathing slowly, he felt the burning sensation becoming weaker, now more bearable. “Good boy” Jeongguk kissed his temple, “I’m gonna move now”

 

Jeongguk started slow, sliding his cock to the tip and sinking down again at a calm pace. Taehyung’s back arched and grasped Jeongguk’s arms looking for support, “It b-burns”.

 

Jeongguk didn’t stop, “It’s normal honey, it burns at first but I promise you will feel good soon, trust me”

 

Taehyung trusted him. He trusted Jeongguk for his life. Never Jeongguk did something to earn his distrust, and so he closed his eyes and let Jeongguk move. It only took the younger a few more thrusts for Taehyung to start feeling pleasure rather than slight pain.

 

“You are really tight fuck” Jeongguk said, but it didn’t sound like a complaint, either way Taehyung apologised with a soft “Sorry”. If only he had been experienced, he would make Jeongguk feel good, make the younger fuck him as he liked. But he wasn’t experienced so he had to let Jeongguk guide him, teach him, do everything while Taehyung only stared at the younger boy thrusting his hips forward through his half lidded eyes.

 

“Don’t” Jeongguk said sternly, “It’s a good thing,” he thrust deeper this time and Taehyung cried out his name, pulling him down, to leave an open mouth kiss on the younger’s lips, “I won’t last long, this feels so good” Jeongguk buried his face on Taehyung’s shoulder, kissing and nibbling the skin as his pace started to speed up.

 

Taehyung could only moan, grab Jeongguk’s back and rake his nails over his muscled body. He wanted to pull him down, have him close, as close as he could get. Too close was never close enough when it came to Jeongguk, he wanted to feel him, every single inch of the younger’s body, every single puff of air leaving his mouth as he fucked him. His mind started to blur, as if his body was astral projecting and he couldn’t move just feel, feel Jeongguk’s body on top of him, his cock pulsing inside him, his lips brushing his skin as he muttered soft encouraging words.

 

“I love you” Taehyung breathed out, “Jeongguk I love you” he felt like crying, the emotions blossoming on the surface of his skin, he felt vulnerable, confessing his feelings in the less romantic situation possible, but he couldn’t hold back his thoughts anymore, he had to tell Jeongguk and so he did.

 

Jeongguk stopped still for a second and Taehyung thought he had fucked up, because the younger boy was looking at him bewildered, frowning at him as if he was a weird species he had just found. Taehyung couldn’t describe the way his heart seemed to shrink inside his chest, he was about to apologise again when the younger crushed their lips together, more fiercely than before, his tongue fighting for dominance inside his mouth, “I love you” he breathed between kisses, “I love you so much Tae” he started pounding into him a little harder than before but Taehyung felt his body limp, numb, not able to feel.

 

“Jeongguk f-fuck” He moaned out loud, he didn’t care that they were somehow in a place where anyone could walk in and see them, hear them, no Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to care, because Jeongguk loved him back and he didn’t need anything else. 

 

“I love you” Jeongguk repeated, moaning to his ear over and over again as his pace started to become uneven, “I fucking love you” his voice was desperate, rushed, just like his thrusts. And when he bucked his hips deeper inside and hit Taehyung’s prostate a few times the younger couldn’t help but cum untouched between them.

 

Taehyung’s eyes were glassy, the feeling too overwhelming as Jeongguk keep pounding into him. He placed his palm on Jeongguk’s cheeks softly, looking up at the younger with the moon lighting them from behind. Taehyung was mesmerized by his beauty, so breathing nothing could ever compare. He smiled, he didn’t know why but he smiled warmly when Jeongguk moved one last time, and collapsed over his body, panting as he tried to catch his breath. “I never stopped loving you” the younger hiccuped, Taehyung panicked when he realised the boy was crying over him, holding him tight as if he could vanish at any time.

 

It was then when Taehyung realised how desperate and afraid Jeongguk was, how he acted showed him what he really felt. The way he acted when they met again, when he looked at him in disdain he had mistaken that look, it wasn’t hate but fear. Fear to open up to him again, fear of letting his feelings show, fear of lose him once again. Taehyung knew what fear looked like, it was fear what had lead him to lie to Jeongguk, to let him thought he had cheated on him. He felt miserable, because what he had tried to prevent was all he achieved in the end.

 

“Jeongguk baby” Taehyung cooed, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I got you” He felt warm tears streaming down his cheeks but they were not sad, they were happy tears because now he was with Jeongguk. He loved Jeongguk and Jeongguk loved him back even though what they have been through. He hesitated, because he wasn’t sure he deserved his love but he promised himself he wouldn’t let Jeongguk go ever again. For once he felt genuinely content.

 

When they kissed again, between tears this time, it was soft, a sweet and slow kiss full of emotions. They stood like that for some minutes until the afterglow of the sex started to fade and he shivered because they were still naked, hair still damp.

 

Jeongguk pulled out, Taehyung hissing because of the oversensitivity and tied the condom. Then he cleaned their bodies with the towel and cursed because he didn’t have another one. They dressed up but laid down again to cuddle some more before coming back.

 

“Did you like it?” Jeongguk asked, and Taehyung found it cute because the younger was so caring, always worrying about his well being.

 

Taehyung nodded enthusiastically “It was perfect”

 

Jeongguk sighed in relief, “Thanks god I was so afraid to hurt you”

 

“Jeongguk stop worrying you didn’t hurt me, you could never” Taehyung caressed Jeongguk’s chest lazily and nuzzled his nose on the crook of his neck, kissing the skin there softly.

 

“This was the best sex I ever had” He sighed, his words seemed directed more to himself rather than to Taehyung.

 

“Ah don’t lie” Taehyung punched him playfully, he knew Jeongguk had sex before and he was sure this couldn’t be his best. Jeongguk didn’t seem the type of vanilla and what they have done was far from wild.

 

“I’m not” Jeongguk’s voice become soft, like a murmur, “There’s a difference between casual sex and sex with feelings and I assure you,  _ that  _ could never compare to  _ this _ ” Jeongguk laced their fingers together and kissed the back of his hand. Taehyung could never know, because now they were feelings involved and there was something he was sure about, he wouldn’t like to try any different kind of sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY IM SORRY FOR THE BIGGEST DELAY BUT YOU KNOW WRITER'S BLOCK IS HORRIBLE  
> This chapter is a little shorter but i think is good, i will add two more chapters to make it up to you and for those who had been waiting for long :/  
> You can always come and scream at my twitter

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this last night before sleep and I had to write it down. Comments and suggestions are highly appreciated. Hope you like it <3


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